By Matt
The poem came to me in a rush during one of those darkest moments of despairs. From them, I gained strength to cope, to reach out to other registrants and step up to speak out against the tyranny.
Brothers and Sisters in Pain
What did I do to deserve a life of pain and fear?My motive rejected, judged my behavior a crime.Stunned at the devastating repercussions of my action.The act complete, my destiny sealed, my life shattered.
The impact crushed my identity, an annihilation of my worth.The alarming, unreal raid, a SWAT team brandishing assault rifles.Or a startling summon to appear before a biased, hardened judge.My life ending, my family, friends, church condemning.
My reality, years of painful isolation, penetrating shame.Alone, I mulled over and over again the “what ifs,” “if onlys”I despise their labeling me as leper, sinner … condemned.I even visualize the tattooed “Scarlet Letter” across my foreheads.
After punishment ends, endless traumatic troubles begin.With no job, homeless, no future, my despair overwhelms me.Insults from probationary officers, loved ones, neighbors down the block.The threats, the taunting, the finger pointing breaks me down further.
I begin to hole away, to lead a life of “quiet desperation.”I dare not question my truth, attacks, damning, denouncing retorts.Then my heart breaks even more … my sentence, shunned for life.My fate is sealed with reminders of chiding TV news broadcasts.
My agony, anguish cause me to give up, to raise a white flag.I accept my lot, too afraid to speak up, to write a letter to question, “why!”Inside, I say “I just want to be heard, I am not a boogyman… please hear me!”Nevermind the laws, I want to plead from my soul that I am a human being.
These inner yearning for justice demands to set the record straight.Though I have no outlet, to explain, to show that I paid dearly for my mistake.Is there anyone out there with a compassionate “St. Jude” to understand?I realize that this voice inside me is my only solace … heard only by God.
Quiet longings for human connections dominate, receiving eyes full of contempt.My prayers reach out for a “do unto others,” but instead reap a slap in the face.My Spirit tells me to have strength to cope with the dreaded registry … I must try!I seek answers that frustrate me … though I still strive … for what?
I read an article that says the registry is unconstitutional, punishment, illegal.Another explains men are appealing to get off the registry … is this true?Then other litigations create further punishing laws to twist the blade deeper.Am confused, but sense an inner need to be part of this movement …
Sisters and brother in pain, my desperation and hope are for you.My heart-felt thoughts are to tell you that you are not alone.Courageous heroes are speaking out against the tyranny, injustice.My plea to you… not to give up, but to give voice to your inner trauma, your truth.
In so many ways I feel what you say, I to and many others that fell in the trap of the system, it’s hard to trust our represenatives, the judicial system, and corrections, in other words the government, I also am on a registry for life, and have come to find that there are many that rightfully are punished for thier bad acts, but that’s where it should end, when they have paid thie debt to the state and to society. But there are those of us that were set up by state workers because of thier wicked ways and greed for federal funding. And we end up suffering, with no where to turn, no one to turn to. The worst part is that the governor could have an emergency session and put a stop to it, but the governor also gets thier funding from the same source and prefers to turn the other way, the attorney general who also works for the state, does not work for us, the judges work for the state, and not for us or our. Children, the court appointed attorneys work for the state and not for us, for if they did thier job and actually defend us they will lose thier other jobs working for the state, so they lose alot of Cases on purpose not caring one bit about our lives which we suffer, as long as all these and all those who work for the state and those so called represenatives who only do for themselves, OT THE PEOPLE as they have everyone believe, this United states of america is destroying famiies, in recent children, innocent men and women are in prison and have died in prison, parents children are being snatched from thier homes and never to see each other again, the agony of these injustices the government keeps in secret but knowingly and intentionally accuse and convict thier own people, american citizens, whose fathers, brothers, uncles neighbors and friends fought next to each other in wars to protect thier families believing that in return they would someday protect ours. They do not deserve to be sitting in the offices they sit they are the real criminals, thieves, child abusers, child trafficers, sex offenders who while our children are in state custody they are being physically abused, sexually assaulted, raped, beaten, starved even to thier deaths, but we who are innocent are being put on a registry and called child abusers, and our children, small innocent defenseless, who cannot speak up, or run away , who are being hidden from thier families who love them the most, and who EveryDay cry to be home where they belong! but this wicked system allows it, and does nothing to protect them and do not care about the way we suffer at the hands of thier own workers and themselves are all accomplices to evil, So we also keep getting punished for something we did not do, I will close with this, There is a God,, and he is the real Judge and no one can keep secrets from him, he is powerful, and in his book he promises an everlasting life in a paradise for all, but for the wicked and the rulers of this system he says he will destroy and that this day is very near, god does not lie, this gives me comfort for I know that our children will be reunited with us, not even death will separate us, Jesus has proven that he can raise the dead, and he will, He will put an end to these governments and sit in his throne as our king and ruler, then this world will have a real leader, one that loves, and doesnt kill, there will be no more pain and suffering for the wicked will be no more.