Scarlet Letters

written by Matthew

Every law designed for sex offenders goes back to colonial days and the branding of the scarlet letter “A,” and in our case it’s the letters “SO,” and it is designed to humiliate and control us.  And the person to blame is John Walsh.  Yes, he says it’s for good of the children and society.  BUT, he is doing it just out of pain, anger, and money; then it trickles down to the children and society.  He’s placed the fear in society’s eyes that, when you say sex offender, it evokes a emotion of revolt and anger and even shame in people’s minds.  I made a mistake back in the early 90′s, and I took a few naked pictures; they was just simple standing or laying down or sitting pictures, nothing that involved stuff like porn.  And I sent them over the internet.  So I got busted and charged with making child porn and transmitting over the internet and spent nine years in prison.   I lost my family and friends and my place in society that I had worked to obtain; my family turned their back on me and I lost my son.  I have become a hermit in my home and only leave for medical reasons since I am now disabled. I got lucky; my neighbors for the most part don’t bother me and a few talk to me.

And there’s even children that play in the area and everything seems normal..BUT I have this underlying fear that now with this new law, everything is going to change, AND since I only had 2 years left in my original 10 year registration,  then I would be done and able to finish out the rest of my life in somewhat peace. EVERYTHING is now turned upside down. After getting out and finding a job, I did find a few girlfriends AND some, when they find out about being a “SO,” they said goodbye. There was one that didn’t and that lasted a short time. AND they say oh its not punishment; COME ON, bullshit; it’s added punishment in a variety of ways, NOT TO mention the punishment that we put ourselves through everyday, feeling 1). the guilt: 2). the shame for what we put our family and friends through 3). pain that we endure knowing what we put everyone through, AND the pain we go through for losing our family and friends. I can hear John Walsh say, “That doesn’t compare to the life time of what that child will go through,” and I say bull. We go through just as much pain, if they are any type of human being, because we do have emotions such as love, compassion, understanding, guilt, and shame, BUT we should not be outcast from a society AFTER we have paid our debt or have more punishment added at the “whim” of others.

While in prison I stopped dreaming, and then when I got out it took me 5 years before I started dreaming good dreams and some nightmares. NOW since getting this new law letter, I have started having prison dreams and police dreams. And my stress level just raised up by 90% because I know what the health care in prison is like, and for my conditions, it would be better to commit suicide by cop then to go to prison and depend on them for health care. Which in a way I think  is another reason they made these new laws: to weed out the weak willed ones and push the suicide rate higher. SORRY to say that but it’s been on my mind too. Then my doctor wonders why my BP is 179/100…BUT thank God for this website and the people who have stood up and said NO MORE; we are going to fight this and change things..All I know is since beginning of December I’ve had a constant tightness in my chest and my Christmas wasn’t too merry, LOL.