By Shawn . . .
I titled my story after the city and state I have been registered in for well over a decade now.
Well I’m certain you have heard many horror stories about people who have ended up on the registry, I can assure you most of them are not true. For my part I committed a sexual offense in ignorance. I had been taught at a very early age, for example, sexual exposure and interaction between adults and children was “normal and healthy” . I was victimized in such a fashion that I enjoyed it anchor up to believe that such behavior was normal. I never had a therapist parent or teacher talk to me about the age of consent or why certain activities that felt really wonderful was still wrong. This does not in any way excuse my behavior but it certainly explains how I was able to do as I did with no remorse or ill feelings. I chose to expose myself to a boy who would ask me to do so when I was 21 yo. I saw nothing unusual in his request, nor anything wrong in doing this he asked me to do, especially as I wanted to do it anyway. I understand now that my actions were inappropriate because of his age, but more specifically, his cognitive inability to understand what he was asking for. This is the main reason why it is illegal, and tomorrow to expose yourself or engage sexually with a minor. Age is not just a number, as some songs might say. There’s a drastic cognitive difference, especially with very young children. Much of my early adult life, I lived thought and acted as a sexualized child. I found my friends among individuals half my age or younger. I was predominantly drawn toward boys who I was also attracted to. Yes I’m a Pedophile and a Hebophile, and an Ephebophile. I’m sexually and romantically attracted to boys, and some girls. This is not something I’ve chosen, nor is it something that can be changed. As such there’s nothing immoral about being sexually or romantically attracted to minors. Immorality necessitates a conscious decision and/or act. Due to what happened to me when I was quite Young I suffered from what is known as sex love addiction for most of my life. I often confused love and sex like and sex. The boys I was most drawn to were boys I wanted to do things with sexually or be alone with intimately. I had a major crush on the younger brother of a boy at school who I also was attracted to, when I was in 5th grade. I can only imagine where that might have gone had not my other mental health issues acted as barriers to approaching and engaging others. Looking back, I believe that my Autism was a blessing in disguise. I had too much difficulty approaching and engaging with others, especially those I was attracted to, to commit any more serious offenses. To this day I still have difficulty with social interaction, which of course makes my whole process of seeking employment, housing, & a relationship even more difficult. So without the registry things would be difficult enough on their own, the registry makes it next to impossible. Overtime, the problems caused by stigma of the registry are enhanced by age. The ongoing goes without employment the worse it looks on them; the longer one goes without employment a place of their own in a relationship while being registered it looks even worse. Some employers Wonder if the reason you have remained unemployed, is due to dangerousness when it’s not. I have interacted with over 100 registered sex offenders, not one of which has been accused of using Force bribes threats conversion or drugs and their offending. Nearly every last one has spent over a decade in the community, without committing any new offense. And yet the city of Fall River, which is home to just over 100 individuals registered as level 3 sex offenders has maybe 5-6 people with registered work addresses.. they’re also a dozen or do people registered as level 2.. this estimate of level two’s is only reflective of the names available online. Up until about a decade ago, people who were registered as level 2, did not have their information disseminated online, and those names are still not available online. Is primarily those who are online, who are targeted. I’m not sure what else to
I’m not quite sure what else to say here. I’m closing in on 45 years old, I have no college degrees, I suffer from Asperger’s, PTSD, some learning difficulty, as well as some medical issues. I spent most of my adult life incarcerated and have little to show for it. Although I am motivated and eager to live a safe and healthy life, I’m greatly handicapped in doing so. There are many barriers which might exist if I was not registered, and didn’t have nearly two decades of imprisonment. But the registry is definitely a big stumbling block, and adds to many of the other stumbling blocks and barriers. But my faith does not allow me to give up, my faith does not allow me to see these barriers as impassable. I trust and believe that if it is HIS will, I will find employment, I will have a relationship with someone worthy of me and whom I am worthy of, and I will in time have a place of my own.