originally posted 4/16/2009
Thank you for your site and a chance to post my comments.
I live in Oregon. I turned myself in in 1989 because I wanted help to stop being a SO. Little did I know what the outcome of that would be, and if I had the same decision to make today…I would never have done it! I picked up the phone and called CSD and said I wanted help. 5 months later I was convicted of 3 felonies,5 years probation,complete the SO program in the OSH, which I spent 34 months there (and really needed it). During that time Megan’s law was enacted and even though I pled guilty in 1990 and have put my heart and soul into never offending again and so far have been successfully recovering… well sort of, even though I have not acted out, I still have to endure the ramifications of society.
My wife left me a few months ago because she could not understand the toll of the constant stress and dreadful fear that I had of someone finding out who I was and victimizing our family, my job etc.
Even though I have not had a blemish on my record for 19 years I am still looked at by officials when I go to register like the scum of the earth and feel like a lot. I went to a doctor and got prescriptions for antidepressants and Valium just to cope with my depreciating mental state. I was recently unemployed and evicted from my apt. so currently I am living in a motel and wondering if i will ever get another job, place to live, or find people who will accept me for who I am today, not what is in my past.
The answer is most likely NO!…
Most days I would just as soon someone would just put a gun to my head and pull the trigger and get me out of my, and everyone else’s, misery.
Why don’t I do this? Because I have an 11 year old son that knows of my past and wouldn’t understand his dad killing himself. so I exist another day….
Oregon is not a forgiving state; I will be required to report, be suspected of anything that happens close to where I live.
C.S. Lewis said, “If a man can restrain himself from doing an act that he was trained to do, he may have more grace in the eyes of God than someone who has never committed any wrongs” or something to that effect…
This is what gives me strength the keep trudging along. I have hope that eventually the witch hunt will cease and there will be justice and forgiveness for people who try to do the right thing every day!