originally posted 7/2012
I am on the registry since 2005, charged with child pornography; lots of images. Took the plea deal: 10 years registration, which two years later got grandfathered to a lifetime registration. Did sex offender treatment, three years of probation. All completed, all done with. I thought. I am not denying any of the pornography, but at a certain point in treatment, I felt forced to add a number of things – touching or groping that didn’t occur – just to move beyond that particular point. I know it sounds like a lie; treatment was one of the best things that could of happened to me, it allowed me to reveal things that I have kept hidden for so long, including being sexually abused myself. Another red flag: I am not supposed to use that as an excuse, or a crutch, I was constantly told in treatment. You are looking at a man whose life from the age of 12 has been fear based. Never letting anyone get close, never having the strength to tell , only after I almost destroyed myself and my family. Living on the SOR hasn’t always been good, threats at work, having to find housing that doesn’t include a background check, always fearing the worst can still happen, and BANG it happens; I was one of 400 let go from my last employer. Unemployment is running out and I have applied for over 200 jobs with no one answering back. The depression and anxiety day to day is almost unbearable. I want to prove not only to the public, but to my family, that I can do the right thing and try and turn my life around. There are some days where I find it hard to move let alone get out of bed, suicide thoughts are always there, but I have to prove to my family that the risk they took believing in me enough to stand by me all the way, washes those thought out. I plead to one or any government official, don’t we deserve a second chance?