Engaged and Enraged

My fiance is my favorite person, ever. It kinda makes sense, as I’m preparing to marry him. But how and when we got engaged was less than desired.

Backing up a bit, I love this dude. We fell in love the moment we met over 3 1/2 years ago. He is incredibly ambitious and compassionate. Having working in fields where he saved people’s lives, put out burning buildings, and performed cpr on kitties… and he’s a gentleman.

I came from a background of sexual trauma and was healing, and he was there supporting me throughout everything. He saw firsthand the impact it can have. We went through tough times (financial troubles) and broke up occasionally, always coming back together. During one brief break up, he went on a date with a girl (we were still talking) and thought it went well. 3 hours later the girl texts him saying she felt uncomfortable during their date, so he apologized. 3 days later the police are contacting him with charges of aggravated sexual assault. A month passed before he told me the whole story. He is absolutely incapable of hurting someone or pushing them past their limits- especially knowing my own story, so I knew he didn’t do it. But because he apologized in text, in our state that’s an “admittance of guilt”. He lost his job. And he actually never got to tell his side of the story… ever. He pled guilty to avoid possible felony charges.

We began dating again (not that we really stopped…) and within 2 months after the incident got engaged. This horrible incident brought us back together and made us stronger, but not one day passes that I wish it didn’t happen this way… Another plus was that I’m closer with his family, having held his mom’s hand during the sentencing. But we worry about the future. We want kids, we want to buy a house… he can’t live with me right now because he doesn’t want to disclose to the landlords about being on the registry. It’s embarrassing. It’s unethical. And after meeting the woman’s mom at the sentencing, it was obvious she pushed her daughter into charging him. It was incredibly frustrating… it IS incredibly frustrating… why?? This admittance of guilt just by apologizing NEEDS TO STOP. We’re convicting men with no physical evidence, other than an “i’m sorry” message?? It doesn’t make any sense. None of this does…

3 Comments

  1. Maestro

    There’s got to be a way to bring the woman to court for false allegations. Talk to an attorney. State everything, especially the bias of the court system. Nothing is going to get done if no one does anything.

  2. WC_TN

    I’m sorry this happened to you but this is the reality of our society today and I don’t see it changing. When judges can be thrown off the bench because a bunch of women got ticked over the “lenient” sentence Brock Turner received, we can kiss judicial impartiality right out the window because now elected judges will be more concerned with covering their own cowardly arses than serving the highest ideals of impartial justice.

  3. a man without a country

    This is my story too. An apology is all that was held over my head in a case that had no DNA, no nudity, but her mother was a sociopath (probably with some serious personality disorder) who made her take a Ritalin and FIVE Benadryls every night. Which is more detrimental to mental health and might cause long-term trauma: being groped a couple times (in response to some very provocative actions) or having a mother do above to her every night FOR YEARS? Further, the ‘investigation’ and ‘questioning’ by a bunch of obese cops and a DA she’d never met probably was more damaging than the original event was!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *