Mine is like many others, I made a mistake, plead out for fear of jail and am serving my probation. While others certainly have it much worse than I, there are still some times where my life feels worthless, hopeless and very isolated. Therapy tells me this is considered zero state, I consider it the new normal. I can never take back the horrible things I have done, nor can I change how others were impacted by my actions. All I can do is move forward however that might be. I only hope that this life will prove to have some positive meaning for someone and maybe give them a perspective or hope that they may come out on the other side and be able to keep on keeping on.
I am lucky, I was facing 2-10 years for indecency with a child by exposure. In Texas this means I do not have to be the one naked, rather if I have the victim naked then I can be charged. I will not go into details only to sum it up as that after a huge misunderstanding, an outcry was placed and you can guess the rest. I plead guilty and got 10 years of deferred adjudication and of course 10 more on the registry. So I will be a free man again in 2035 when I am 68 years old. I was told that once probation was completed, I could petition to remove myself off the registry. Not in Texas, no sir, no way, not ever. I have been told I would only have to attend therapy for 18 months or so, but after 5 years, I am still attending weekly meetings with no hope of ever being released from it until probation is over. Interestingly enough the same Boss that I have worked for over 5 years, also the same person who bailed me out of jail and protected my job, now has suddenly flipped earlier this year and told many people that I work with of my crime. Then when the work slowed down because no one wanted to be associated with me, he had to let me go. I have absolutely no earthly idea why he did this. This had some affect, but in the end, did very little to hold me back and I still have good opportunities to continue to work.
I will sum things up as this, karma or what ever you want to call it always seems to come back to bite you. I am sure there were other things I have done in the past that I got away with, and I am paying for all of them now. But those that have sought to ruin others, seem to have a lot of bad luck in the end. I am doing far better now since all this has taken place. I had to reinvent myself, dig into my past and use prior knowledge from my 20’s to propel me into a new direction. I actually have companies offering me positions to work for them, and I am honest about everything if they ask. I had a good job before all of this happened, then got a better job after the charges against me. Now I have a great job with others offering/competing for me to work for them. Oh, and my old Boss? He is struggling to keep his company afloat now and the projection is he will be out of business by the end of the year.
My point is this, you and only you can turn things around for you. Everything from you outlook on life, attitude, how you handle difficult situations and even employment. I had to learn that all is not hopeless or lost. I cannot worry what others think, say or do. But I can choose to move on with my life without them. I am also learning to be comfortable in my own skin. I do not need others around to complete me, however it is nice to have someone to share things with. I am still dependent on all of you as your stories give me hope, inspire me and remind me I am not alone. And with that I will bid you all a great day and thank all of you for keeping me moving forward. I hope this may help some of you to do the same.