By Eric . . .

My story begins about 2018 when I saw a news special about a girl whose father had been raping her. Her father was a police officer. Before this, I had never thought twice about sex crimes. Never looked at child porn. Never had a longing for it, which remains to this day.

After viewing this interview which had the victim, who was now an adult telling her story I started to do internet research on the crime. Well, needless to say, up pops all these sites that have the actual footage on them. So, dumbass that I am, I start clicking, and clicking, and clicking. It became an obsession as I was shocked by everything I had found and that it was so easily available. I just clicked away. Yes I had child porn on my computer (crime). I never shared it, it was always locked away behind passwords.

In June of 2019 I was getting ready for work. I was to drop my son off at one of his friends beforehand. I had 2 bathrooms in my house. I preferred showing in the basement bath so that’s where I was at. I was gathering my clothes when I heard a loud crash upstairs. I thought my son had fallen and hurt himself so I rushed upstairs to find the police in my house, guns drawn, my 15 year old son on his belly with a cop on top of him, knee in his back, handcuffing him. I yelled take it easy he’s 15 years old. My son is large 6’3 and heavyset. they all looked at each other and said He’s how old? Again I said 15. To make a long story longer, they confiscated just about every piece of electronic equipment in my house.

I didn’t know the law, never been in trouble before. Didn’t know I shouldn’t say anything without a lawyer present. Let me say that this all happened at the beginning of covid. It took almost 3 years for a plea deal to be struck. Possession of child porn, 3 counts knocked down to 1. 2 years probation, and lifetime registry.

I did my homework before the plea and found the high school and school buildings were plenty far away from my house. Thousands of feet. I thought, ok Im good there, I can handle the probation and registry. I go directly to the cop shop after court to register. A cop tells me, you may be to close to the school I’ll have to check with the chief. (small town Illinois) I go back the next day to get registered and was yelled at through an outside speaker, You were told yesterday you are to close to the school you have to vacate. My heart sank.. I did more research and I was 60ft to close to the real property of the school. Mind you this is a vacant lot. No kids at all.

I rented a hotel until I found an efficiency apt. in the next town over. I am currently doing my probation along with therapy. I see my wife on the weekends, she also thinks this is terrible and they shouldn’t be allowed to do this. So I am now estranged from my family. I have to wait to look for a new home as all the court costs drained me and I had to file bankruptcy. 1 year min before I can look at Hud. I am still working which I am totally gratefull for.

Lastly, my psych eval came back as very unlikely to re-offend. Yet after probation I will be restricted on many things and have to register once a year till I die. I always thought that in the US once you paid your debt you were done. I am now registered as a child predator even though I never even thought of chatting, meeting or touching a child. The thought to me is offensive yet here I am with the scarlet letter. After probation, and I find a new house for my family and myself, I plan on dedicating most of my free time to fighting this injustice they call the sex offender registry.

3 thoughts on “Estranged

  1. I don’t know what police procedure is where you live, but it seems like overkill to enter a private residence with drawn sidearms where there isn’t a known violent crime taking place. When you met up with the police, did they present you with a search warrant detailing exactly what they were looking for? Illinois law requires that the police have a search warrant issued by a judge if they can provide justification and that they are required to show you the warrant before gaining entry to your residence. without the presence of the search warrant, it would be a violation of the fourth Amendment (pertaining to unlawful search and seizure), if not a civil rights violation as well.

    I’m unclear what you meant when you said “actual footage”. Were you under some kind of stress at the time? There are all kinds of reasons for gaining access to CP, most of which have nothing to do with the CP itself. There are almost always underlying conditions that lead to the acting out. In my case, it was an addiction to pornography in general, among other things, so, to question a person’s actions without all the facts sounds accusatory and is, frankly, disturbing.

    As I found out, there are many ways to discover online activity. There could have been a person or a program checking for certain downloads or what have you. There are agencies that are tasked specifically with rooting out CP, regardless of the use.

    Finally, to suggest that someone isn’t being honest with themselves, and stating it as fact, rather than conjecture, without all of the relevant information and not being familiar with that person, by someone who is not a licensed professional is inappropriate. Our purpose here should be to engage in open conversations and be supportive.

    1. Yes they had a warrant although they didn’t show it to me until after the search.

      I was told it was because I mentioned my firearms on Facebook. that they used forced entry with guns drawn. I never threatened anyone or anything like that Just had a pic of an AR that resembled the one I owned and put up a caption quoting full metal jacket “This is my rifle there are many like it but this one is mine.” Trust me that’s it. Yes I know, stupid move.

      Thanks for the last paragraph you wrote. I am honest with myself. I know what I did and I know it was wrong. I believe I got what I deserved with fines and probation, lawyer fees and therapy. I also know it will never happen again. I also think the registry is nothing more than a governmental doxing. I believe Psychiatrists and Judges should have the final say on registering and how long.

      Let me explain the actual footage. When I started, after I saw her interview I was intrigued to find out more. So I went online did a search for her and the actual footage of the crime came up on a few different sites. I was shocked by what I had found and the shock of it was thrilling. CP is defiantly not the only vile footage I looked at, at the time. Anything shocking or disturbing. So you see it was a compulsive disorder.
      Yes, I was also told the files I downloaded were tagged. Believe me if I was sharing there would have been a distribution charge as well.

      I see that Jeremy thinks Im lying and all I can say is why would I come on here share my story and lie? I am not trying to impress anyone as you can see by my story. What I am trying to get across is that because of the registry I am still estranged from my wife of 20 years. I see her on the weekends. I can go over to the house but can’t reside there. I miss her dearly.

      Thanks to both of you for taking the time to read it.

  2. I can’t help but point out the flaws in this story:
    1) Cops don’t come barging in guns drawn on CP charges
    2) If you were never “interested” in it, then why was it saved on your computer behind passwords?
    3) If you never shared it, how did they find out?
    4) I may be wrong on this one, but range restrictions are not enforced if you already live there. This may depend on your locality

    I’m not calling you a liar necessarily, but I think you have some soul searching to do. I was in a very effective treatment program for 3 years while incarcerated and you are exhibiting a lot of behaviors of someone who isn’t being honest with themselves.

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