Children, victims of father’s perceived crimes

Original post date: 16.05.2008

Editor’s note: The names and the state have been omitted to keep the anonymity of the persons involved.

From the wife of a sex offender ‘out west.’

I have chosen to sign because I have watch the change in laws slowly destroy my husband. I don’t clam his innocent or his guilt as that was decided years ago when he took the plea agreement. I have found that claming his innocence, which I believe in, only makes my statement seem biased and defensive. His innocence or guilt doesn92t really matter anyways. The person he is matters! His criminal history only has two marks – The 13 year old conviction that made him a Sex Offender (lewdness w/ a minor under 14, His accuser was 13) and a 9 year old conviction for failure to register. The failure to register was simply a forgotten thing and he spent a 3 day weekend in jail to which the judge after hearing his side took his guilty plea and gave him time served. Thank God for small favors and a touch of understanding.

But back to the man he is. ‘Gordon’ is one of the strong people I know; his soul, his heart, and his mind have survived so much and he has not lost his love of life, the ability to laugh at himself, or his ability to love and honor his friends and family. He has a grandeur of manner, and magnanimity of personality. He is spontaneously creative, outgoing, warm hearted and plain spoken; as well as ambitious, courageous, strong willed, independent, and self-confident. In his relations with others he is open, sincere, genuine and trusting. He is a wonderful father to our living children. He is also a father who is grieving; grieving for his beloved children who were born into heaven, grieving for the plans that will never take place. He morns the lives that will never be lived and the sons that he will never know. Sometimes he can be one of the most unpleasant human beings imaginable, displaying autocratic pride, and an excessive temper; becoming self-centered, boastful, pompous, and overbearing. But that is part of his Leoness. Besides I can be ten times worse than him, as I am sure everyone else can too.

He was a tier 2 in our state by 6 points. These ‘points’ I believe are unfair because on the form you get 6 points for both refusing counseling or not needing it. He never refused it, just didn’t need it. Next year we would have been allowed to ask for a review of his rating and hearing to possibly reduce it. A new law has passed and as of July 1st 2008 he will be considered a tier 3 and we have no way to ask for that review hearing. He is also now under a life time commitment to register publicy. It has been hard enough for him to find work, now we feel it will be impossible.

Who he is doesn’t matter. Almost 15 years and no reoffence or anything but a simple mistake with registration. He works, pays taxes, and for the first time in years (10 years) got to vote in 2004. He loves his children but avoids the close relationship with our daughter he has with our son. For the first 3 months of her life ha was scared to even hold her, when someone started to use CPS to harass him it got worse. He has never given her a bath and doesn’t like to help her get dressed. He doesn’t like going to the park even as we live in a small town and he fear what someone might think or say about him with his children.

So I fully agree with the statement and wish my husband could sign it as well. I hope the laws change because I feel the unfairness that is pushed on my family shouldn’t be suffered by anyone, let alone the children like mine who are becoming victims of the perceived crimes of their father.

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