originally posted 4/5/2009
I am currently awaiting sentencing for possessing child pornography. I suffer from clinical depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. The possession was due to a tendency for Borderline patients to act impulsively and in self harming ways. They also have a tendency to feel unjustly evil, and in my case, I attempted to find a reason for such feelings.
I’ve become suicidal numerous times since the onset of the investigation against me, once being hospitalized on a 72 hour mental health hold. I’ve been in therapy, both individual and in group for over a year, and have sought help from friends and professionals alike.
Ironically, my sentencing relies on a psychological evaluation conducted by a man whose degree is from an overtly religious conservative Evangelical Christian seminary school.
As ignorant as I was before I had gotten myself into the mess I’m currently in, I still find it hard to comprehend the severity of the punishment that awaits me. I’ve been told that I may be unable to have any contact with any minor, including my fifteen year old brother who is also my dearest friend.
I sincerely wish to help in any way possible.