Time Does NOT Heal All Wounds!

originally posted 5/3/2010
Well, here is my horror story.   And I can only hope that it’s seen with open eyes, like all the others, by the politicians, lawmakers and media, that have created this frenzy of false fear.

I, for nine years now, have had to register as a SO at the local police department of which I reside.

Time does not “heal all wounds” in this case as no matter what I do, or where I go, I can’t escape the title that has been bestowed upon me.  Did I do something wrong?  Many will say yes.  Even I, through my brief therapy, believe that I acted inappropriately towards my “victim”.  Of course when I went to therapy through court order, I refused to admit that I was a so called “sex offender”.  I was then told by my PO and therapist, that if I didn’t admit to that fact,  I would not successfully complete the class and that, in turn, would violate my probation.  I had to verbally say…..”I am a sex offender.”  Well,  guess what….I would not, and did not.   Because in my eyes, my wife’s eyes, my kids’ eyes, and in all the eyes of those who know and love me, I wasn’t.

So I violated my probation and spent the next 30 days in the county jail … willingly. (Over Christmas, by the way).   Ironically, the judge on my case, through the help of a highly paid lawyer, dismissed the actual violation charge and I went back home to my family.  Because I never missed a class and was paid in full.  At least ONE judge saw the light.   If I’m guilty of anything, I am guilty of adultery.  And for that I am truly sorry. And if that is a legal crime I’ll accept it and do my time.

I met a woman (and I say woman as she was 33 years old) through a friend.  I was sexually attracted to her as she was a very attractive woman.  One day we got together and started “making out”.  Now this in itself is not grounds for a “sexual offense” I guess.  Well one thing led to another and I proceeded to take things a little further.  We had had a few drinks and were both feeling pretty loose.  I, like most guys, including all that are politicians and lawmakers, used my “gut” feeling on what I thought should be the next move.

I’m going to continue with a few details that may offend people . But these details are necessary in order to better understand how it all played out.  It is in no way intended to offend anyone.

So my next move was to “work my way down”.  The upper half created no issues.  As I moved down, I still noticed no issues until I had …. well, you know. This was all done with my hand.

At this point, this woman totally went ballistic.  I freaked out and even told her I was sorry.  It’s just what I “thought” she wanted.  I was wrong in thinking that way.  I was way out of line and given the chance would take it all back.   But I can’t.

This woman filed charges against me.   I was livid and beside myself.   I was 35 years old and had never had this kind of reaction to what I thought was a “normal” move considering the willingness of this woman.  Especially knowing I was married.

Foolishness….absolutely. Sex offense?  By today’s standards, apparently so.

I have not had the misfortune of many in that I’ve lost jobs as a result.   I make a good living and have a great support team in my family.   However, I am utterly frustrated in the problem of living.   I lost my home due to this as I plea arranged a 44 month sentence.   I took that as that was the ONLY way I could guarantee that I would see my kids grow.   As my attorney put it….”25 years is a long time to put in the hands of a jury”.   Would I have won?  Maybe, maybe not.   It’s funny how people, and I used to be one of them, say….”If you didn’t do it, take it to trial”.

When they come to you with a miniscule plea deal, most take it. Because if you don’t and lose at trial you’re looking at the full term of the offense. If they knew you did it and had a good case against you, why would they offer a short deal? It’s a conviction and a notch on their belt.   That’s why.   You see….justice isn’t about justice anymore.  It’s about winning and loosing.  No one in their right mind, facing 25-30 years, is going to turn down 44 months when offered.  They know this.  Yes, there are some that do.  And if they’re innocent and win…. that’s great.   I’m not going to take that chance, like most others.

I DO NOT condone sexual offenses.  They makes me sick to my stomach.   But I think there needs to be categorization.  For those of you who think I’m guilty of a sex offense … fine.  I’m already there and have to register.  But PLEASE do not put me in the category of someone who kidnaps a child, or even an adult, simply to have their way with them sexually.   Or even worse.   Because that’s the way society looks at me.   And quite frankly….it really PISSES me off.

I moved to another state to try and lessen the registration woes.   But as all states are tightening up on these laws it’s increasingly almost impossible to find a place to live.   When things started getting nasty where I moved, my wife of 19 years finally said ” I can’t take it anymore.”   And you know what?   I couldn’t blame her.   I brought this on her and my family.   She’s an ER nurse at the local hospital and HER job has been jeopardized.   My daughter’s friend’s parents found out and wouldn’t let them come over to our house.   And she’s 17 years old.

So I called the officer to whom I report and asked him where I could stay until I found a place to live.  He told me of a hotel that would accept me.  I’ve been here three months now and just last night received a phone call from the regional office telling me that when my term was up they would appreciate it if I left.   I grumbled a little and told them that I would honor their request. Now I have no idea where I’m going to go.   I have a great job and nowhere to live.  I have 5 days to leave.   I called the above  officer and told him what happened and he had NO advice for me.  So people…..WHAT DO I DO????  Where am I to go???

I pay my taxes, support my kids, and you are forcing me into homelessness!!!
PLEASE Politicians, Lawmakers, and Media…..PLEASE reply!!

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