Dear Community Saviors,
There is not much worse than decision makers sitting around a table deciding your future and yet you’re not present at the table. The so-called leaders of the community will decide where you might live, travel to, and possibly determine where it is you cannot go. They will decide what information is publicly available, and they will not know or come to understand when you are or have become jobless and homeless. They have pledged to protect the community at all costs, which includes surreptitiously stealing or quickly stripping your own family’s reputation and well being, for the sake of public safety.
It is a slow death, the constant worry of humiliation at any given time for someone else’s past. It’s the loss of income, inability to move, to go places and partake in activities you’d otherwise be at free will to enjoy. The dark cloud that lingers does not distant itself quite in the same way that mental anguish, pain or suffering usually does after time. No, this does not subside. It’s constantly there, and it feels far from safe. Why are we, as a family, subjected to this? We are not our loved one’s crime, yet we are never away from being reminded of it every day some two, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty… years later.
Everywhere, everyone, failed to ask the family, the root support system of the law-abiding, publicly registered sex offender, what life is like for them. Has anyone bothered to even remotely begin to think about what it might be like living with your address designated as the town’s witching grounds? Has anyone given thought to the child in the home who will be reminded of a possibly long ago occurrence that they had nothing to do with? Did it even occur to anyone that publicly registering every known man, woman, and child–in some states–by widely marking any and all persons convicted of a sex offense, no matter the circumstances and no matter how much time has elapsed since the conviction, would create a lifelong, everlasting gobstopper and prevent what we want criminals to do in the first place? Repent, rebuild, and live a healthy lifestyle? Shame on the media for sensationalizing this subject. Shame on the mental health professionals who have no business attempting to provide treatment to those they refuse to forgive and feel they are required to humiliate as if it’s their dutiful purpose. Shame on the criminal justice professionals who have allowed overzealous prosecutorial greed and fear of liability to overtake sound judgement and evidenced-based practices. And most importantly, shame on the American public for so quickly dismissing someone’s constitutional rights that could very well affect you too someday and for vehemently justifying your personal belief that it’s perfectly permissible to hate and to fear that which you do not understand and know absolutely nothing about except a screen shot on the Internet.
If the claim is to promote public safety, perhaps the approach that has caused as much or more panic to the community and additional pain and destruction to the individual and family, needs to be revised, Mr. and Ms. Lawmaker. A Law Enforcement Only registry for most individuals convicted of a sex offense seems like a reasonable place to start.
The Family Members, Friends, and Loved Ones of the People Convicted of a Sex Offense
14 thoughts on “Open Letter to the Public”
This registry needs to be gone. I do not understand after a person has served their time, why they aren’t allowed to live their life. I don’t see this done to others. An example if a murderer gets out of prison, after parole, there is not a registry so I know if a convicted murderer lives next door. Sex offenders are discriminated against in employment and if you try to apply for a pardon that is a question they ask. I know that others are discriminated against also but if they find a company that doesn’t background check they are ok. In a lot of states a sex offender had that stamped across their Id. Most places of employment want your id. Not to mention the fact that people don’t get the whole story, just assume anyone work that label is horrible. I hate to say it but people are cruel and will kill people over a dollar. Families of sex offenders because this crap is so easily accessible are not safe. I will do whatever I can and fight to get this to be a thing of the past.
It’s a hate crime from the state they don’t make murders register and they don’t make people with other crimes register so why do they make sex offenders do it cuz they have to single them out what’s worse coming home and having your family dead or abused but knowing that they are still alive and around? We all make mistakes in life but we should not have to be punished for them over and over it’s a violation of the 5th amendment
I feel very sorry for all of you and the things you have to go thru… but did you ever think being a sex offender and on the registry was a blessing or a curse. Yes the sex registry is a curse. As far as the sex offense itself it is no different than what happened in the bible…
Count it all joy when one falls into trails. All of this sex issue is more of a biblical issue as you tell me one person that hasn’t sinned in their life. Sin is Sin. The woman caught in adultery is a prime example. They’re taking old law and making it difficult.
I don’t feel sorry for sex offenders. I do feel sorry for the victims and the victims families. I also feel sorry for the sex offenders family and friends, but the sex offender brought that shame upon themselves and family and brought suffering upon the victims: they are ultimately to blame. You reap what you sow.
I understand it sucks to have to constantly deal with their crime so many years later but as a victim…I don’t want to have to deal with it every damn day EITHER! I didn’t ask for the physical, psychological or emotional trauma that has limited me to what I can do. I have been mentally imprisoned for years for a crime that my abuser committed!
I was sexually abused as a child too. As a victim I know that I am not traumatized every day for what happened to me. I have moved on, I pray that for you at some point also.
When we here the word sex offender we conjure in our mind the horrific abuse of a child, the vicious rape of a woman. For arguments sake let’s say it’s ok if those are the people on the list but sadly they are a very small percentage. The fast majority should not be on that list at all. You have boys who were sixteen and had sex with their 15 year old girlfriend on the list as a sex offender for life, that kids life is ruined. You have the 11 year old boy who touches the buttocks of his cousin, now on the list and in the money making hands of “sex offender treatment”‘ that kids life is ruined. You have the nineteen year old kid who was lied to and has sex with a 13 year old (I’ve been that lying thirteen year old). That young guys life is ruined. You have the boy who on a dare went into the girls bathroom of his Jr. High and looked under the stalls when girls were in there, that kids life is ruined. Those are real life examples. It’s one thing if it is protecting people but it’s not. The policy seems to be , ruin the many to protect the few from the even fewer. If you have or may have sons or even daughters for that matter, woe to you and be afraid for their future. In the state that I live in there are over two hundred laws that get you labeled as a sex offender. I can’t really speak about men, but I know for sure that children’s lives are being absolutely demolished by judges, prosecutors, and treatment facilities that coerse, and threaten children.
Thank you Brianna, I am that 19 year old kid who was found in his car with a girl he believed to be 17 but when a Va. state trooper pulled up to the car we were in and questioned her I quickly calculated the birthdate she gave and was horrified, she was only 13. I live in Ca. 25 years have passed since the original conviction (that I foolishly took a plea deal for probation and no prison time or go to trial and risk going away for more than two decades} The police coerced a false statement from the victim and threatened her parents because they refused to press charges when they learned from their daughter the real situation. So there I was in 2014 I ran into housing issues due to many factors including the new laws and ended up getting charged with failure to register, so at the age of 43 I was rolling through the gates of San Quentin to serve a 16 month sentence, I survived but it was treacherous and taxing on my mental health and it changed me in ways that I am just eggining to realize four months after release. I am virtually unable to leave the house. its as if I am paralyzed and it isnt fear so much as a growing distrust of anyone not close to me. It helps to hear a stranger say they are over the hatred that as a survivor have every right to. Thank you, Peace
First of all, I’m sorry you had to go through that. No person young or old deserves to go through any type of abuse like that… EVER!
Your reply does help me make a point to everyone who reads this site, especially other sex offenders.
Yes, I am a sex offender and I am not a victim of the system. I did the crime and I am paying the consequences.
The problem with the current laws though, is that it actually makes people less safe. We’ve already heard many people talk about sex offenders and their families being unsafe because they are looking out for themselves, but I’m talking about the general public.
I attended one of the best treatment programs in the country for my problem and I learned a lot about why sex offenders offend. The biggest reasons include isolation, depression, low self-esteem, and most of all, control.
The biggest reason, control, is mainly because we have so little control over our own lives and actions, we try to control the lives and actions of those around us.
So, how does this relate to the topic of reforming sex offender laws?
Well, the current laws cause sex offenders to be further isolated from society. It increases their shame and therefore their self-esteem and drives them into depression.
The current laws take a lot of freedoms away from sex offenders and therefore takes away more control over their lives.
So, what do you think is the logical conclusion if you cause the problems that contributed to offending behavior to get worse?
Reoffenses… plain and simple.
Now there are a lot of us, myself included, that won’t let these barriers affect our recovery, but how many will be affected?
This is the argument that needs to go in front of our political system because they don’t care how it affects us and our families, but they do care how the public is affected.
Talia I can hear the anger in Your voice and I agree that You never asked for the trauma that happened to You..I am sorry You went through that Talia.
The Registry for Sex Offenders is not just punishing those commit serious crimes it punishes in PA grand parents or any care giver that spanks a child. It is labeled as Indecent Assault of a person under the age of 13 yrs. And my husband is on the list for life for spanking a 6yr boy in front of his mother his girl frined at the time. The boy had just set the garage on fire on purpose. We have been evicted because of it…he can’t see his grand children we left the state because of it. He was a Marine…who served his country to stand up to defend this country the same country that now treats him like he is worth nothing. He and I worked in an ice cream truck for years before the Laws were changed and SORNA was the new witch hunt. I think that only those who are in Law Enforcement need to know.
Physical abuse lol, sorry all these years later, I highly doubt there is any such physical abuse to have to live through day by day. The whole psychological bull crap is another, omg I am so scared for life nonsense while I live a normal life is so overplayed by people, emotional trauma, um no, not unless it is actually happening as of today!!! Can someone relive there incident over again in their minds? Sure! Does it mean they can live a normal life? You betcha’, and tons of people who were abused do it every day!!!
I was a 12 year old boy when my offense occured I had fondled the neighbor boy who was 6, due to the age I was convicted Rape of a Child in the 1st degree and spent 9 months in a Juvenile jail and also have to register for the rest of my life. I thankfully have a loving wife of seven years now and three wonderful children. I am sorry to hear about what happened in your lives, I am terrified every day that my oldest daughter that just started school will come home in tears due to what someone has said about me.
I was convicted of misdemeanor indecent assault on my daughter. I had no record the police didn’t want to hear my side. Which was my ex wife coached her to save her cousins career he was a nurse who gave my ex my medical info without my knowledge. Tried to tell the police but they didn’t want to hear it now I’m on megans law for life it was suppose to be 10yrs. For 1 count of a misdemeanor. Medical report sided with me no signs of trauma but they can’t rule it out. Oh the best part the lieutenant that did my 2nd interogation said if I didn’t confess my daughter would be put on blast in the newspaper and on TV and did I really want lawyers tearing into her making her out to be a liar. That’s a violation of your Miranda rights. My lawyer who I paid 10 grand for didn’t do anything to defend me he allowed the da to make an example out of me with less than circumstantial evidence. My ex had motive to coach my daughter. I was just released from prison 3 months ago I served 5yrs. Yes that’s right 5yrs for one count of a misdemeanor. The last thing my daughter said to my mother over the phone was grandma why does my mom hate my daddy so much she was 4. My ex grabbed the phone and hung up on her. That was 6yrs ago Noone in my family has seen my kids since then. What type of woman uses her kids like that. Please someone respond tell me what I can do to get my original plea deal of 10yrs back a lifetime Registration is cruel and unusual punishment to say the least considering I was sentenced in may of 2010. Can anyone out there help or suffer a similar situation please let me know
I was convicted of misdemeanor indecent assault on my daughter. I had no record the police didn’t want to hear my side.
Your first mistake was in assuming that the police would have the slightest interest in “your side”. They are there to lay charges, to build a case, and to help secure a conviction, and that’s it. The police are not your friends, they are NOT on your side — their only interest is to put you behind bars, period.
Which was my ex wife coached her to save her cousins career he was a nurse who gave my ex my medical info without my knowledge. Tried to tell the police but they didn’t want to hear it now I’m on megans law for life it was suppose to be 10yrs. For 1 count of a misdemeanor. Medical report sided with me no signs of trauma but they can’t rule it out. Oh the best part the lieutenant that did my 2nd interogation said if I didn’t confess my daughter would be put on blast in the newspaper and on TV and did I really want lawyers tearing into her making her out to be a liar.
I take it you confessed, then? If you did, you’re screwed. You traded your freedom and reputation to save your child some potential embarrassment. It sounds like you now have a severe case of buyer’s remorse.
That’s a violation of your Miranda rights.
Nonsense. Your Miranda rights give you the right to remain silent, and to have an attorney present during questioning — nothing more, nothing less. You should have kept your mouth shut.
My lawyer who I paid 10 grand for didn’t do anything to defend me he allowed the da to make an example out of me with less than circumstantial evidence.
You implied above that you confessed. Once you do that, NO lawyer, however skilled, no matter how much money they’re paid, can get you out of the grave you’ve dug for yourself.
My ex had motive to coach my daughter. I was just released from prison 3 months ago I served 5yrs. Yes that’s right 5yrs for one count of a misdemeanor. The last thing my daughter said to my mother over the phone was grandma why does my mom hate my daddy so much she was 4. My ex grabbed the phone and hung up on her. That was 6yrs ago Noone in my family has seen my kids since then. What type of woman uses her kids like that. Please someone respond tell me what I can do to get my original plea deal of 10yrs back a lifetime Registration is cruel and unusual punishment to say the least considering I was sentenced in may of 2010. Can anyone out there help or suffer a similar situation please let me know
There is nothing you can do — there are, quite literally, thousands of people in your situation — people who thought that their past was behind them. The problem is, that your plea bargain does not bind the legislature in any way, shape, or form, and the legislature saw fit to retroactively change the law to require lifetime registration in a class of cases which yours appears to have fallen into.
I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re done — there is nothing you can do.
Dear Truth Hurts. Thank you for breaking down Not Guilty75’s post. While I was reading it I was thinking the same thing and you are absolutely correct. There is nothing that can be done to change a guilty plea. There is no appeal process for a plea bargain and the laws keep changing retroactively to restructure the punishment of a crime after a sentence has already been issued. Also, pertaining to the police, it is ironic to me how many people that are under Megans law still cling to the notion that the police are somehow going to help them out. The police have formed a quasi-class above the rest of us. If you are not with them then you are against them. Once you became a felon you became an enemy of the state. Period. Yet somehow these people still aspire to law enforcement and think that the police, judges, prosecutors are going to be “fair” to them. They get paid to put people like you and me in jail. That is there job. How can you be this deep into the system and still not grasp that?
I am so sorry You got caught up in this web of lies. My husband was also caught up in something similar though it was an ex girl friend who was making the allegations. said her boy said she showed up on my doorstep…he was indicated…the detective never really investgated a thing….since he was working 16hrs and I was watching the child….Medical report sided with him no signs of trauma but they can’t rule it out the child even said it never happened at the pre lim but hm…the transcripts were lost…our Public Defender quit that day…said he had seen enough of it….guess that happens alot. but it went to court 3 times…first time was dismissed….thrown out or court that judge was pissed….back again next year…maybe if we add more charges…again unfounded…jury was hopelessly deadlocked…and I lost our baby at 4mo. due to the stress….back again next year….more charges….Judge was gonna let him go….but his Public Defender was “King of Plea Deals” and he plead guilty to spanking the boy years before that at his trial….so took a plea…19 mo probation…1 count Misdemeanor indecent assault of person less than 13 yrs old…..no list was ever mentioned…he got off probation and Megans Law had him registering for 10 years. was to be off list 2014 but SORNA kicked in and now for that one offense he is on list for life because of the age not the act.
There are several appeals in several states for Civil Liberty grievances…but it is a hard won fight…there is a chance that if like with You and My husband You try to over turn the plea deal using an Ex Post Facto Clause but they can then charge you with the other offences and send You to jail. You can not sue the Government because of Implied Immunity You may be able to get an appeal on Prosecutor Misconduct if the Prosecutor acted in conduct that was “arbitrary, or conscience shocking, in a constitutional sense.
It all comes down to if we could all afford the best Criminal Attornies none us would be on a list for life for a Misdomeanor offense. But who can afford $80,000 we deffently couldn’t. The only reason he was offered an plea deal was because I was pregnant with our son and they didn’t want to put the child through another trial.
I am sorry I can not give You better hope.