What can we expect?

Hello all.. I’ve been reading through your posts and first want to say I’m so terribly sorry for all of the things you’ve had to deal with. I never really thought of it until meeting my boyfriend who is now serving time in a military confinement for downloading a zip file that held child pornography. We met during his investigation, he stole my heart and now we have been trying to navigate life for a little over a month since he’s been in confinement. It’s hard. It’s really hard! So my question is, what can we really expect after he serves his time? We’ve been discussing our future and he’s really worried about not being the man I need him to be (as far as being able to provide for a family). And then not to mention if we were to have children, that he wouldn’t be able to participate in their lives (going to school functions, taking them to the park, etc.). I mean, if we did have a family, would we have to live in seclusion? Would our children’s friends really not be able to come over to hang out or stay the night? Those are some of his concerns and his fear in this is that he would be taking life as we know it, or normal life I guess you could say. So I’m just wondering if anyone can tell me what are the laws surrounding all of this? Like is he going to be banned from the bowling alley or the skating rink? I mean, is this stuff in the law saying he can’t be around children b/c of the SOR? What about going to places like Wal-Mart or the Mall? These are things I’m uncertain of and of course puts more worry on us not knowing these kind of details. I think him and I could live a semi-normal life and still be happy. I know it will take work and we will have to be careful so that he doesn’t violate any kind of restrictions, but I still think we can have a great life together. I don’t know ya’ll, am I living in denial here?

Thanks for listening!

4 Comments

  1. What can we all expect? Freedom and true justice. All this boils down to.. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Just think if we didn’t have internet none of us would be in this internet situation. Mans greed and love for money and power want to control those that are weak. One can never justify who they are talking to on the internet and scheming is one of the oldest tricky cons that those that say they hold any truth to them are just as guilty.
    Getting caught up in public is one thing but thru an internet device is another. We all need to be brave and stand up more so now than any other time as this world is getting out of balance. Use what Christian faith you have to combat this and speak up more.

  2. robert

    Definitely depends on your state. Also depends on his supervision requirements as they aren’t always the same. As an RSO myself, the best advise I can give is learn your state and local statutes. Most states have taken measures to keep localities from mandating their own registry laws or restrictions. But know your states laws inside and out. I’ve never breeched my requirements, but I’ve had enemy’s who sought to tell law enforcement that I did, knowing the statute inside and out made the difference between a phone call and a court date. I was travelling out of state and someone called the state police saying i had moved. Cops came to the house and i wasnt there. An officer called me, and no I’m not going to bash law enforcement here, after a brief conversation he was satisfied that I hadn’t breached requirements and he said I actually learned some things today. Also this is more for him than you, be upfront about it. But I find it does two things. Firstly, its disarming. People who would or could have found out later usually respect the forwardness. Secondly, it will let you know immediately who may be or become an enemy. And an enemy you can see is much preferred to one you don’t know exists. And also, this may sound weird, but build a rapport with local law enforcement. Its not true for all, but some of those guys do what they do because they believe in doing what’s right. I ran into the cop that arrested my a few weeks back. Her remembered me by name… Its been almost a decade… But he asked earnestly about my well being and my family.
    There will be challenges, there will be tough times. But in truth, all of those things exist in life anyway. I’m living a relatively well balanced life… Which is more than most Americans can say for themselves.

  3. SKN

    Hi. My husband is currently serving time in a military brig as well-his conviction was attempted sexual assault of a minor. The actual offense-he was sought out by a 14 year old girl on craigslist. They apparently agreed to meet up for something. Turns out to be a sting operation. No actual child was met but the intent was there. Still, his mistake and he is serving his time. Our entire trust and marriage was broken but we are trying to work it out. It will be hard and if you don’t think you could handle all the stress and judgement please don’t give him false hope. You will have to be strong and know that you will lose friends. You have to be prepared to sacrifice a lot of yourself and your way of living. Because when you’re with a SO, you’re usually treated the same or worse unfortunately.

  4. FLCitzen

    jbgaff,
    Hi thank you for taking the time to read through our stories. Most people in society are so ignorant to the sex offender registry and how bad it has become. I am a registered Sex Offender in the state of florida and am still on probation. To anser your question honestly. It all depends on which state you live in and the requirments if he has supervision after his release. Laws are starting to lighten up as the surpreme court is slowly changing there view on punishment for sex offenders after there time has been served. There is a recent case packingham vrs north carolina that will open up sex offenders access to social media. As for a normal life. I have been home from prison and on probation for 20 months. It has not been the easiest thing as my supervision rules are strict but there is hope. I met a wonderfully woman 30 days after i got out and will be getting married soon. She had the backbone to not only understand my rules but help me follow them to gether. We live as close to a normal life as we can. Once i finish my parole things will get that much closer. There are plenty of states that have no rules about bowling alleys and parks but there are some that do. Some states have school restrictions. Florida where i live if u have a child enrolled in school u can take ur kids to school and drop them off but must notify the princable. Some counties u can particpate. Now if he has supervision his rules will be diffrent until thats over. It will take work and can be fusterating but there is light at the end of the tunel. If u have any questions more specific feel free to ask me.!

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