Living in a Nightmare.

By Brian. . .

When I was 19 I was falsely charged with statutory rape in New Jersey. The accusation states that I had consensual sex with an underage girl. On the advice of my attorney, James Wronko, at age 20 I plead guilty to 2nd degree Sexual Assault. I was already serving time in prison for possession of marijuana. My attorney was a thieving criminal who told me that I would only receive “time served” if I pled guilty, instead I unknowingly received a life sentence.

At age 24 I was released from prison with nothing. I then learned to my horror that I would be on Parole Supervision for Life. Here in New Jersey, anyone convicted of a sex crime is given PSL. That means that for the rest of my life, I am owned by the department of corrections c/o the division of parole. At any time and for any reason I can be sent back to prison for 18 months at a time for “violations” such as, breaking curfew, failure to obtain a job, or drinking beer. I cannot leave the state, spend the night away from my residence, or even go out to a bar. These are not crimes, however, New Jersey parole can lock me up without any explanation or proof of any wrongdoing and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I have served over 6 years on technical violations alone since my initial release.
I am not a rapist, pedophile, or creep in any way. I am the last person who would ever rape or even harm another being. There is no way to succeed on PSL in New Jersey. Since its inception, not a single person has avoided being violated at some point. The state of New Jersey Division of Parole refuses to disclose the number of victims they currently have on PSL, however, I would guess the number to be close to 100k. The Parole Division here in NJ also has a absolutely abhorrent policy of giving Parole officers a $250 check anytime they violate a Parole giving the officers a clear incentive to violate paroles for any reason.

I am so hurt and tired now after dealing with this false accusation for the past 16 years that I am ready to give up. In prison I was violently beaten, abused, and tortured by the corrections officers in prison because they saw me as a pedophile due to this conviction, and as a result I developed CPTSD (Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder). I also suffer from sever anxiety and depression.

I want to die. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow. I live in an inescapable nightmare that will not end. There’s no way to express to enormity of the horror of what I am going through.
I am an innocent man and I’ve spent 16 years in prison labeled as a “sex offender”.
Outside of prison, my family has moved on without me and now I am living in New Jersey alone.

I work as a gas attendant at a service station were an employee was recently shot in the face and murdered after handing over all the money to a robber. I can’t help but think about how if it had been me shot to death then this would be over now.

I went to prison when I was 19 and they took 16 years of my life for nothing. I missed out on graduating high school, going to collage, getting a driver’s license, getting a car, getting a job, having relationships and finding a wife, having kids. I’m 34 now and I don’t know anything about life, all I know is the filth, hatred, disgust, fear, dishonesty, and evil of prison. I am ready for whatever is after this life.

They have destroyed an innocent man for no reason. God help anyone who is going through this or anything like it. I still pray everyday for my enemies because they can’t possibly realize what they are doing to me.

4 thoughts on “Living in a Nightmare.

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  1. Brian,

    I could compare my grandson’s case similarities to yours but that would not do you justice in all you’ve been through and I really understand after watching my grandson go through similar emotionally but not quite the same degree that it’s overwhelming to say the least. What that lawyer did to you was definitely not in your best interest and you having to experience the mistreatment by correctional officer’s really would be a reason to not want to believe things can get better. This world’s people can be so cruel at times but we as people must triumph. I remember seeing the Nazi prisoners we transported aboard our ships after capture. Most of the Nazi prisoner’s were younger than me, basically children. Taught to believe in a cause or some even forced to fight for a cause that was not correct and not true or even needed. Makes me sad to think of that and then thinking of the pain you’ve endured and continue to endure after 16 years because of false beliefs that prevail about individuals that meet a criminal code makes me sad too.
    I feel like any child and when I say “child” that includes any person under 25 to 26 years old that faces a lifetime sentence of any kind should have the ability after that 26 year mark to challenge what was ruled against them. The fact is many people are lucky enough to mature at about 18 to 21 but it is proven still that for some it takes as long as 26 years old to really develop a responsible and true understanding of maturity. Some will say “oh that’s an excuse” or “they plead guilty” or even “do the crime, do the time.” Well to that I’d say would they trust their 16 to 26 year old without responsible advisement on a decision that effects the rest of their life till the day they die. I think not.
    Everyone wants to attack the laws which I agree have run a foul, but the fact is that many are like yourself and were too young to understand the actual repercussions of the charges or the way that “slide of hand statutory law” would come into play. Being that you do have a job, I wonder if you could possibly put some money together and sue the state civilly for imposing such a burden on you so young. I feel like these registries and requirements if they are going to continue need to be less focused on punishing children that haven’t got an understanding of what they are mentally facing in a long term burden concerning these charges. Don’t get me wrong every person under the registry in my opinion is having their rights violated. I just feel that your situation should be about the fact that a court should have really considered your age and rational rather than just saying here, bam that’s prison and that’s life under the scope for him.
    Just my thoughts on that. I pray that you are eventually freed of this horrible scarlet letter and that you can live free.

  2. This is a horrible nightmare!! I feel your pain it’s been 18 years for me I just want to know when all this shit will end. My life as your and millions of others is greatly affected each day by this damn registry

  3. Our son was arrested doe to pornographic pictures of a minor on his computer. The pictures were taken during his absence by two daughters (one of them 17 years old) of a so called friend, who asked Marcus to allow them to live in his apartment because of an intolerable and abusive situation in their home. The “friend” requested a large amount of money from Marcus, or else he would report him. Which he did.
    The lawyer we hired to defend our son recommended, that Marcus plead guilty to avoid a trial, something he first did not want to do. But he finally agreed. Our son was convicted to 5 years in prison with the option to appeal after 2 1/2 years of imprisonment. In addition he would be under parole supervision for years. The record of the conviction will be with him for life. His life has been ruined!

  4. Brian I am so sorry and saddened to read about your horrible story. Unbelievable.

    I wish I could offer you some advice, but I can’t. It makes me very upset that you have been mistreated like this for most of your life.

    Although I too am on the registry, my problems pale in comparison to yours.

    I sincerely hope and pray that somehow things will get better for you.

    Victor