By John . . .
At the end of 14 years and part of 15, I had done some of what was done to me, having grown up in a domestically abusive house. My older siblings subjected me to it. It was all I knew or even thought normal, like it meant you were developing and growing up. I turned my own self in. I trusted the “system” and government. Even my parents now regret that ever happening, narcissists who shrug it off like “How could we know (that was going to happen)?”.The state ran tests through a local hospital, and what we would find out over a decade later, they withheld from me a congenital neurological defect that is extremely rare. The nurse came in and said “Oh, you just have a small harmless optic nerve cyst”. The neurological defect from birth, impossible to miss, is on the 4th ventricle of my brain stem. I knew as a teenager she was lying. The court and State workers said they were going to bring down the hammer and make an example of me. They ignored the fact my own mother confirmed my own older siblings had subjected me to the same ‘experimentations’, and worse, to the effect of psychological torture. My older siblings? I raised their kids from deadbeat marriages. They went on to have beautiful consequence free lives and careers and families and houses. I live day to day in torment. How so? Fast forward to these 2020’s now, I finally find true love, sober and healthy. In another state. I’m being harassed between these states. I visited the state she lives in and tried to move there. The state I moved to (worst mistake ever, to be with my family who threw me to these wolves) changed a 10 year registration to life. What you need to understand is the origin state of the mid 90’s state the offense was committed in gave me a 10 year only registration because of my young age, and basically because they knew what they were doing to me was wrong. They also charged me as an adult instead of juvenile and because I turned myself in, the 10 years only “keeping an eye” was part of my deal. Oh, and came to find out way later that my lawyer lied about how I could be charged later as an adult after being charged as a juvie for the same thing, and that this was better. He was wanting me to burn, as he took the money to ‘represent’ me. Fast forward, again, as I go to her to live with her, my pure hearted true love who accepted me completely, even to my past, the state she lives in decided to have me register for life, too. I sent print screens of my case myself, showing how the origin state decided that, and why. In one ear and out the other. Not even in one ear actually. They have all the power. They make decisions themselves right then and there. In a southern police state, they even changed the title of my charge, and only finally acknowledged it years later after the print screens were shown to the other state registry office I was going to. They were publicly embarrassed before another state. How dare I! Now, after having to come back to the state before meeting her, the one I moved to from, after the state of origin, the southern police state, her state is saying is sending forms I still live in her state, and not only that but crossed a line through the original date they were supposed to have sent it, and penned another date. This is HAD I been able to stay and move permanently, which they ensured I could not. All because they decided to collab with an agitated southern police state registry management. When I had to come back, they told me “Don’t drag others down with you”, as in the gutter cess pool of humanity they assume I represent. Not only this, her state also has on a detailed list about my past, already erroneous, as she knows and heard from my own now ailing mother, that I was involved in some kind of “illegal surveillance”; a completely fabricated falsified charge, to ensure the absolute governing of our relationship, in the hopes of planting seeds of doubt between us. All this is a true account. The registry, as far as I give account, from someone who grew up on adult probation, does not exist to protect those who it claims to protect, and does not exist to rehabilitate anyone. Also, even in the report her state gave “There was no evidence of me completing a treatment program”. Not only did I, but this “program” was to bash into offender’s heads that they are a disease and about 8 of 10 go into recidivism, and you can’t help and have no other choice or thoughts than to be “aroused and bothered, turned on”, around kids. They bash it into your head constantly till if it wasn’t in you and you just messed up your life, you know have to realign that’s not who you are. They WANT you to have those thoughts and try to shut the gate anything else of hope and goodness is possible! Fortunately, my sense of self and integral values are strong enough over their sick mind control tactics. I am ball and chained to the kind of people and system who want this for others as ‘treatment and reintroduction to society’ after their “intervention”? Prisons and crimes are an industry, and I just opened your eyes to a small part of what really goes on in it. In the state my love of a healthy dedicated, same age as me (naturally who I seek, but they don’t want that and actively recruit neighbors with convincing otherwise), now awaits as we try to find if I can arrive to her for the holidays, as promised. We met on Christmas. They sent a falsified claim of me “illegally surveilling” right before I go, having just bought the bus ticket. So, perfect timing, they were spying! Now saying I was using a recording device to derive pleasure from images obtained by those not in the know. What the…!!?? She knows I didn’t! Even my phone was off the whole time! She knows I don’t even look at porn. The only time I walked out of her house, from the fear they intentionally keep us in, was when we took a walk together. They are intentionally actively harassing, falsifying a fantasy charge, berating, endangering, trying to do injury and snuff all chance for a hopeful future with healthy relationships. To my truest horror, I know am living witness those in the departments over are hoping and attempting to set up any sort of recidivism wherever possible, and because these are lives that are falsely warped to be perceived of as monstrosities of pure evil. The ultimate irony. This is not a slight mix up; this is going after someone already wronged by the system because they know once you are pulled down into it, you are under the radar of anyone wanting to hear about your story or know about it. I wonder even writing this if it’s an exercise in abandoned futility. At least its more literate and pragmatic than the departments sending official government forms with lines through typed dates and false charges from nowhere. They even listed me origin state of the crime as New Jersey. I’ve never even been there. These departments are run by something sinister to carry out something sinister, and again neither benefit those who even have a strongest chance at showing they can recover, nor the society they claim to keep safe and vigil over. They not only do not ‘iron curtain’ out the bad, they fan the flames Machiavellian style with only the motive to fulfill narcissistic parasitic hero fantasies. Like I told my police state’s registry office head (another thing I’m paying for), “My recovery was of my own willpower in spite of government agency, not because of”.
Stay strong out there. There are reasons things are the way they are in this country right now.