175 Comments

  1. Michael Hendricksen

    I feel you man I am a convicted sex offender in Washington State I was 21 at the time of the offense and am now 30 just released last November. I was raised in a good family and was taught morals and manners and such. I have no other criminal history. I got mixed up in drinking and partying, and the wrong kind of crowds and to make a long story short I went to a party one day with some friends using and drinking and had sex with two 14 year old girls. I make no excuses for what I did it was not right, but I was also very young at the time and very immature. I did 8 years in prison I am a level 3 sex offender now, and have to be on probation the rest of my life with the ISRB board. The day I got arrested I quit using drugs and alcohol I have not touched anything since. It saddens me that one bad decision when we are young can affect our future there is no leeway to these rules and laws. I am now 30 going to college for cyber security with straight A’s and my college is funded I have not put a dime into my school. But all my efforts to show society I am not a bad guy seem in vain, because of the label level 3 sex offender. I am not even a violent or dangerous person. I am one of the most calm kind and respectful people out there. In a lot of ways you could say I am a bit soft or eccentric, but definitely not some creep. I am not the guy that waits outside schools to find little girls and rape them, or steals little babies. I was a young man that was confused in my life and made a series of poor decisions. I did 8 years of hard time, I took responsibility for my actions. I even dealt with some of the worst prison violence you can think of, but I survived and held strong and I am now out and really doing everything to reform my life, but it seems like a hopeless effort with the stigmatism I get when people find out I am a sex offender, and of course the police reports tell a different story of what happened that day. I am a normal guy I have people that love me and I have family and friends that know who I am, and that I am not the guy of those reports. I cant even get a girlfriend for fear she would find out and leave me instantly, even though I am kind person I have a hard time letting anyone in now days because in the back of my mind is DOC and the registry, smiling back at me with devil horns, knowing that they have me for life. I understand there are some people out there who a really fucked up and have done some really messed up stuff to people, and are really creepy. I am not that guy at all, but I am labeled right in there with them it does not feel right at all. It seems like the system is to hash on this stuff and I understand why they are, but when they see a guy who was young and made some poor decisions and who is out after serving his time and going to college, you would think that they would give the person a break after so long. I mean I have not been violated once since I have been out, I have never failed a drug test, I pay my fines, I do all the stuff they ask me too, not to mention I did not even graduate high school, and here I am in college for computer science with straight A’s on freaking scholarships, but who the fuck cares because I am just a dirty sex offender, well I laugh at that and I laugh at the justice system for being so vain. I am going to keep on the road I am on and continue my school, because I know I am better than the stigma and when I am making 100k a year as a computer network security architect, I will bring the big fight to them gloves off with the best attorneys money can buy to get off of all this crap that an unbalanced justice system has bestowed upon me for a poor desion I made. while just coming into manhood. I feel for all of you sex offenders out there who are in a similar situation, and god only knows the ones that are truly good people that made poor decisions young. My advise is keep fighting the fight and stay stong, because things can change even when it seems all hope is lost. For now I have pretty much come to terms with the fact that I will never have a woman that loves me or wants to be my girlfriend, because as soon as they google me its over or if I tell them they will leave. but I am OK with that because I now have the time to focus on my goals, and bettering my life. It sucks and I get lonely at times but what option do I have. I just hope that one of these days the system changes and becomes more aware of the guys that are really trying to change and better themselves, and release those ones from these restraints that bind us, because it sucks and we have feelings too. I know after posting this that I will get some good responses as well as some punk jackasses that will hate on me and say I am some creed da da da I have heard it all before, and let me tell you all one thing I learned in serving my time in prison most of those hardcore guys in prison that talked shit about us sex offenders, come to find out where hiding a sex offense, so if you have some shit to say probably a good chance that you did the same thing when you were young, and just never got caught for it , oh yea and I was the one in prison that stood up to those guys, because I am strong and confident and I know I am not the label and in there when someone would say some crap to me I would be right back in there face barking just as hard, because my good name means a lot to me. I also want to say to any women out there that have been violently raped by some creep, I am deeply sorry you ever had to experience that because no human deserves to be hurt that way, and nobody has the right to touch you without consenting permission. So all those women out there stay strong, your life will get better and hopefully the one who actually raped someone gets what they have coming, as for the young men out there that made poor decisions and and had sex with a teen at a party when you and the teen were both young and confused and probably intoxicated, and both party’s were consenting, all I can say is no matter what was said or put on the police reports, dont forget who you are and where you came from, never give in to the label, you are better than that just continue to fight the fight, and continue to improve your life people will see I assure you and some will never want to see it and they have that choice, but unlike most people in society guys like us will know the caliber of the friends we do have, as well as those that think they are better than the next person. I am Michael Hendricksen level 3 sex offender from Washington state, and I am fighting the fight, I do not live in fear!

  2. Marc

    I may not relate to this on the loving a sex offender part but I do relate on being a sex offender.. My name is Marc Crespo, I am 16 years old and I am a registered sex offender, I live in the state of Virginia. At 13 I was placed in and out of mental hospitals for self harm and suicidel thoughts and actions.. At the age of 15 I made a foolish yet stupid mistake inside of the mental hospital, I met a boy who was 13 at the time and me and him started to have a liking to eachother.. After a day of flirting back and forth via notes because we werent allowed to make any contact to eachother in that manner, he started to touch me sexually and tell me how he wanted to do sexual things to me, I told him “No” after he kept pushing me to allow him to give me a blow job, and I didn’t want to tell anyone because they would of put the kid into residential which is when they live there for up to a year or more. And I know how it would feel to be in a mental hospital for half of my life and I wouldn’t want to wish that upon anyone so I kept my mouth shut and allowed him to do so, and i returned the favor.. After he wanted me to switch rooms to be his roommate so “we” could do more.. I told him No and said I was going to my room to sleep because I was getting discharged the next day. After getting discharged my mom recieved a call saying that the boy is claiming I raped him and I had to do a statement.. After that the first month into school Virginia State Police came to pick me up and put me in a detention center. His mom was pressing charges, I was in the mental hospital for a week or 2 having several mental breakdowns because of how scared I was, eventually the judge allowed me to stay home for the rest of the court case, at that point things got worse.. I started taking my anger and frustration out on my family because I didnt know what else to do.. And finally The last day of court I was given a choice.. Plead guilty or not guilty if i pleaded guilty my laywer and the judge said I would NOT have to register and I would just have 5 years of probation. But if i didnt plead guilty I would go to trial and I would have 5 years to life hanging over my head.. And my lawyer made it seem like that the commonwealth of Virginia had something up their sleeve to make it look like I was guilty so i took the plea.. After a month of taking the plea Virginia state police calls my mom and informs her that if im not at the police station within 15min registeringn i will be arrested, and of course we go there and register. My mom and I shocked at this event didnt know what to do or how to appeal it, and we have contacted our lawyer several times only to reach his voicemail. He has yet returned our calls. After registering one of my mandatory things for probabtion was to take a poloygraph and the questions where all mainly about if i forced the kid to give me a blow job or not, after the poloygraph the results came back that i was telling the truth. Due to this entire case my depression has gotten stronger and I have given up hope on how to get Myself off the registery.. And fearful for my life aswell having to soon attend public school, knowing my name, address, school is all on that website and if a praent or student finds that they will target me or maybe attack me. I honestly havent left my room since then.. I have only left the house is when my bofriend takes me places, and he is fully aware of my registery and is always trying to protect me and calm me down when i have mental breakdowns.. I hope someone can make it so children my age dont have to go through this just because of a stupud mistake.

    • Brandan

      This is insanity! You didn’t do anything wrong! He pressured you and then LIED! You don’t deserve any of this sh*t! I can’t stand hearing these stories of these innocent people living out there lives like they are monsters when most of them are just normal people who made a mistake or in your case was maliciously lied about! If your story became big, if you got it onto the news, I guarentee you would be off the registry, and maybe even make people realize how bullsh*t it all is. I even looked you up and you seem like a decent guy. Please don’t give up. I promise you this will work out.

  3. Renee

    I live in North Dakota and am pregnant by a level 1 sex offender. We aren’t together anymore due to the fact that we can’t find a place to live and he has to sleep anywhere he can. Will he be able to see his child ? I was told cps will get involved after I give birth and even if he lives with me now and my 16 yr old. His crime is 9 yrs old. No offense on children. Will he be able to help with baby or no

  4. Shay..

    My husband plead guilty to a lesser charge. He originally was indicted on 3 charges, 1 of soliciting sex from a minor over the Internet and 2 counts of Importuning. (Over the internet) but here’s the thing, this was all on FACEBOOK, he never met w/ the girl in person!!!! His daughters friend had a little “crush” on him and made a fake Facebook pretending to be someone else of an older age, perused him, yes he fell right into it and they got into a sexual conversation. At the end of the whole two day period this conversation took place het mom found out and called the police. After a long year of this hell, he finally plead guilty to a lesser charge amd received 5 years probation and has to register as a sex offender for 15 years!! His ex wife has kept his kids from him for the last 9 months since he was first indicted and now my ex husband is keeping my 3 kids from Me saying he doesn’t want my children around a sex offender amd that he’s a danger to them, BS!
    (He just plead guilty a few weeks ago and a few days later it made front page of the newspaper and was on every news website, radio station, all over Facebook, shared over 100,000 x on Facebook in post & groups and also made Fox news)
    But does my ex really have a right to do this? We have a custody order..

    • Elizabeth Fox

      If there is a current court order allowing visitation, neither his ex nor yours can deny your rights to see your children. If your husband’s probation does not specify him not being allowed around minors both of your exes are in contempt for denying your parenting rights. Take them to court for Show Cause hearings. The judge will guarantee your rights are protected.

  5. Diana M Keck

    My husband had this happen to him in 2004 his brother had been seeing this girl for a while and she told him she was 18 had a fake I’d and all her family took him to court for this and his has this on his record for life she stood in court and told the court she lied to him and now he is still on this I have two girls and the night I meet him he told me the truth about it I have two girl he has been nothing more then a good dad to them love him a lot

  6. david thomas asselstine

    I am 21 and I have recently been accused of a crime I did not comit i was set up.and now I am on the sor for 10 years and recently found out im having twins and CAs is saying I can not have my kids bc of is. I have to see them at a CA’s office for supervised visits and that’s something I went through when I was a kid and I don’t want them going through that as I did
    I don’t know wat to do

  7. vj

    I read most of these stories and feel bad for everyone.

    My own sweet husband before we were married, went to work on his brothers house doing a roof repair job, they had also hired another brother that was indeed a known SO. The home owner brother and his wife left their 6 year old daughter inside the home to go shopping!!! OMG!
    My future husband spent all of the time the parents were gone just hammering roofing tiles in the sun, he never got off the roof.
    A few weeks later he was awakened in his bed at his mother’s house (he was 19) by cops arresting him and his known SO brother.
    This was long ago in the days before sex kits, dna evidence or anything. The only thing they had to go on was the little girl made her barbie kiss her ken doll on video!!!!!!!!
    Now honestly, think about this…How many of us made our toys kiss each other in innocent childhood play????? Right?

    So the older known SO brother tried to take his case to court using a court supplied lawyer, which is a horrible idea in my book, they don’t really care about saving you as much as a hired lawyer would work for you. So the SO brother lost the case. He got 7 yrs and some parole time. Back in these days there were no lifetime registrations, no So registrations at all. These days there was huge witchhunts for any SO’s going through the legal systems.

    Now so, My future innocent husband had to go in front of the same damn judge on the same day! Once the judge saw his last name and read the case he just looked at my future husband and told him he would get 40+ years if he took it to court and lost or he could plea bargain and only get 3 yrs and parole.
    My future husband was a young man and didn’t want to get out of prison at maybe 50 yrs old! He took the plea. 🙁

    Time went by, we got married. Got him off Parole, finished his annual parole too. Once done his parole office looked at both of us and told us we didn;t have to deal with it again and to put it behind us and look forward to living a normal life….So we believed him.

    We were so wrong!!!

    During the time my husband began working for a municipality, he underwent their back ground check and it cleared just fine. He worked in the street department which means he would enter all streets and the parks and clean and repair things.
    He even started working out of the police department as an “fully licensed”animal control “OFFICER”, handling drugs to euthanize animals which is also often times a human date rape kind of chemical substance. He held these jobs for 16 long years with no problem at all!

    One day he injured his knee and had to go on workmen;s comp for a short time. During this time the city ran a deep background check and his fingerprints came up as being an unregistered SO! WHAT!!!! It was NEVER part of his parole requirements to have to register!!! Some of his Police friends told him that sometime in the 1990’s/2000’s I forget the year, the STUPID FEDS all of a sudden went double jeopary like and began requiring SO cases from the 1980’s to go on the registry, but no one ever contacted us, not the DMV…NO ONE!!!

    So my husbands life is ruined. He now works on a fork lifet at over 50 years old loading trucks in intense summer Texas heat. I can no longer decorate for halloween like I loved to do for 20+ years!
    My health is not too good, bad heart and copd so everywhere i go I need my husband by my side. Now I can’t go to the movie house, a park for exercise or even to a fishing lake to get fish to fill our belly’s since we can’t afford a big food budget on his new forklift salary of half of what he used to make working for our city. He was also 4 years shy of making full retirement with the Texas TMR retirement system before the FEDS screwed our lives up.

    Thenk God we don;t have kids…but why must the Feds and the state punish us for something that was not required on his original parole release and for God sakes….
    Why am I being punished along with my husband just because I need him by my side due to my health. I don’t drive or go anywhere unattended and I have no one else to care for me but him.

    He never hurt anyone. He not only has spent many years around his other minor aged niece and he used to take my own niece swimming when she was still unable to talk and wore swim diapers. He has been and aways will be an INNOCENT MAN!

    And get this… The little niece he was accused of SO’s with is now a grown woman, she has been reported through the broken family tree to admit that “My Uncle “my husband*never touch me.”
    I do hope there is a special place in hell for Lying SO victims that do not do anything to correct a heinous act as sitting idle while people live as innocent So’s on the So list for life. 🙁
    She also robbed a senior citizen of a blank check and she works in a nursing home still untouched be the law……… Go figure.

    I now just want to get life over with as soon as possible and pray that reincarnation is not real, I do not want to deal with the mess that is the human race again. It is too messed up and upside down.
    Who are these FEDS and what are their names? Why don;t they just make acused sex offender from the early 1800’s go on the stupid registry too. :/

    • April

      My husband was falsely accused of touching his daughter 14 years ago, went to prison, etc and had not seen his kids since. Even though their drug addicted mom did, time and time again–and she’s the one who got him locked up! She has admitted it, just not in court, of course.
      Anyway, that daughter is now 18, so we get to see her. Her sister is 16. Is there any chance we could get custody of her? We tried about 4 years ago, but the social worker pretty much admitted we were wasting our time.
      So tired of this mess…

  8. Joe Bob Hunger

    I feel your pain. And frustration. American judicial system is not blind or fair. Americans do not unconditionally believe in second chances. America is not a Christian behaving nation any longer. Americans and the judicial system are not farsighted and wise thinking, they are influenced and motivated by hate and self-serving decisions. Americans that do not understand this matter, or care to, spew hate and render judgments and judges, lawyers and politicians would rather follow their lead than inform themselves and make decisions that rehabilitate and make society safer and healthier. Anger, hate, bitterness and revenge, along with arrogance and ignorance, is easier than thoughtful, wise, empathetic and forgiving behavior. America has lost its Christian soul.

  9. VJ

    Now I know our well educated politicians have seemingly forgotten their literature classes from high school and college. Guess they all don’t remember reading the Scarlet Letter. If you read this book and recall it, that system did’t work then and doesn’t work now either. All this approach does is ostracize and alienate people from their families, friends and other loved ones. To be perfectly honest, I really don’t see how a registry helps at all. All it does is put people on display like a side show circus freak. It spurs sterotying, vigilantism, public humiliation from other who feel it’s their obligation to inform all others around them and it utterly destroys lives. Personally, with the Willy-nilly way they pass these laws, either we will see a huge upswing in suicide rates from sex offenders and those affected by these assinine laws or we will see an uprising from sex offenders and their families and friends looking to overthrow gov’t agencies. Some may even feel they have nothing left to live for and might start trying to assassinate the law makers. When u give people no options, desparation is all that’s left. I’m surprised that they haven’t just made sex offences a death penalty yet. Basically they want them to be dead while alive. Oh, you’re free to go from jail, but you’re not free…..here are a whole long list of laws and rules that we (the gov’t) made that you have to follow so we can be sure you can never have a normal life or ever be free again. I recently had my heart shattered by a woman whom I’ve been interested in dating for a bit more than 25 years. I was always the guy she looked away from to look at all the other guys that weren’t me. Now fast forward for 25 yrs, now she’s divorced with no kids and I run back into her and we start talking. She is definitely interested in me now. 2 days later she is opening her mouth all over the campgrounds where I have a summer cottage. Now the association voted to ban me from my summer cottage. For the record my charge was sexual exploitation of a child. My real charge (what I’m truly guilty of is public indecency for skinny dipping in my own backyard pool). The neighbor’s kids saw from a second floor window and they told their parents and thusly called the police. Now this wasn’t the first time they saw people naked in and around my pool. So with a little help from their friend on the local PD they trumped up the charges, loaded the kids with statements in order to ensure I was forced to move out of my mother’s house. So this would be a prime example as to how these laws can be enforced on people who are guilty of one thing, but the benefit of the doubt goes to the plaintiff 100% of the time. Anyone being charged with anything that would place them on a list, just vanish and get a new identity (not legally of course for it will just stay with you). Then just don’t get in trouble and they will be none the wiser. Obviously you will have to move when doing this so they can’t track you. If the illegal Mexicans can do it, so can you.

  10. brocker1234567

    I understand you fully @ original poster.
    There are 700,000 RSO now and counting each day…. I know that each of these 7 hundred k have at least one person that will help them some have 2 some have 3 some have 4 some have more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do the math… That moves our numbers up to the point people (lawmakers) will listen!!!!
    We have to grow our numbers!!!!!!!!!!! Think about this… each state has a public registry that is readily available with the address of the RSO online… why not starting rigth now!!! randomly look up 3 to 5 RSOs and write them a letter telling them of the RSOL.org. ???
    Tell them to contact who they know and tell them to join..
    We have numbers but we have to grow those numbers together, under one voice. After countless hours doing research, the RSOL is our best bet, in my opinion of achieving a one voice that will be heard by the entire country concerning the outright lies and ignornace of the AWA.

  11. I live in elmira , NY. My fiancé and the father of our 6 month old daughter have been through hoops. I have dealt with 3 parole officers who say nothing will change , but they still change things. On January 16, 2015 we found out we were pregnant . We told parole and that is when everything changed. I wasn’t able to stay over anymore. Could only sreason him for a few hours. Then my daughter was on her way into this world. Parole put him on house arrest the day she was born. They wouldn’t allow him to see his daughter. Then they contacted CPS. CPS took us to family court and put a no contact order on him and his daughter who he has never seen or held. CPS and elmira family court are taking away our civil rights and not following the soars act. Sex offenders have to go by the soars act and no where in it does it say a sex offender can’t live with or be around their children or families. I completed protective parenting but they don’t care I am even able to be a suppivisor for visits, but everyone doesn’t care that I took precautions . PPG was a waste of my time and money at this point. Parole then illegally threw him in jail. There jobs is to help sex offenders with residents and medical. Parole threw him in jail instead of finding him a residence. They have failed and now we are not together. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been fighting for years. Now I don’t know when we will be together.

    • Nicole Byrd

      Im in a similar situation myself but our son was put in foster care and we risk losing him forever.

  12. Ama

    God bless .. i live in Ohio. My brother was register as a sex offender. I live with my mom, my big brother hes 34yrs old, my other brother hes 22years old and my sister shes bout to turn 18 in couple days.. my brother who is sex offender have a 7year old son but he lives with his mom. Sometimes his son stays over at our home. Can my brother stay over when his son is around?

  13. Omg…1st of all I have 2 say omg I have been trying 2 find info..on this my soon 2 b Husband and I r going threw similar issues…and yes he was totally 100% in the wrong I mean he also wasn’t in his right mind at the, and yes I know that doesn’t make it right but he has 2 live with his mistake every day of his life. If he could take it back he would, but there is no time machine 2 go back and take that day back. He is not a monster…He has done his time and 4 the rest of his life he will continue to do time cause he, we, r and will always b labeled and our kids, us the wife’s get labeled as if we had wanted 2 do this…And that’s the farthest from the true…if people would just give him, give us, give our kids, our family a chance they would and could c every one has something in the past and u can’t judge them on that 4 the rest of our life how can we how can he prove his self if no 1 will give us give him a chance. And trying 2 find some where 2 live is unbelievable…So hard…So the Offender Registry is out with all information any 1 and every 1 can and does look it up check it out…Well how come the don’t have that kind of site 4 Murderers there is no website telling u their crimes and when their being released..They don’t have 2 check in and register. So r they under the spot light like we r…Hell no…This system is so unbelievably twist so unreal…Example for some 1 who gets 2 b free and live on this earth after taking the little life of there own daughter Caseys Anthony…Wow she is still alive…so unbelievably Wrong Discussing I can’t even find the words 2 use 4 that worth piece of shit she should b locked up, or just oh sheages me sick…so if there is any 2 out there that can help me give me some advice on how we can get help county help, housing, and letting my soon 2 b Husband able 2 show who he is if people will just give him give us a chance…..I hope u guys can understand what I’m trying 2 say, mean, trying 2 get my point acrossed….Thank u

    • Jeremy

      Two things in response to your post, Megan. First of all, each state has different laws and restrictions when it comes to residency and each state has different resources available for sex offenders to find housing if any, so it would help to know what state, local, or municipality you are in for anyone to help you.

      Second thing, please don’t advocate for more stringent registries for other crimes to legitimize the sex offender registry. Some states have already started doing this and it only proves to make things worse. I am in Indiana and our registry includes “violent” offenders. There’s a handful of states that do so as well. My concern with this “let’s go after everyone” attitude is when our government starts performing institutional racism and religionism more than there is already. Not to bring politics in this, but Trump is calling for a Muslim ban and a registry that mirrors the sex offender registry identically and people are somehow ok with this. I’ve often wondered if a law like that NEEDS to happen though to bring light to the gross unconstitutionality of these laws. It might have to get worse before it gets better. That’s basically what happened in Georgia when they tried to make restrictions so stringent that no sex offender could live there. It was an effort to drive all of the sex offenders out of the state. Because they went overboard though, it was fought and now Georgia is one of the most lenient states. Maybe that needs to happen nationally, idk

  14. crystal

    My name is crystal and my fiance and I are in the middle of a similar battle as many couple’s in oklahoma. I have a son that adores him..he thinks of him as his dad. His father passed away 4 years ago and this is the first man he has ever warmed up to. Not just that I am pregnant with our daughter who is due in less than a month. His PO is now telling him we can’t get married. He has to move even though we don’t live together we live in 2 separate homes that are close together. He has also been told he can’t not be around our daughter when she is born. I can’t imagine my life without him. He has been the best thing that has happened to my son and i. I refuse to lay down and let this woman make my son and daughter grow up without their dad. We are to be married in 5 months and now we don’t even know if we will be able to be together. The laws in Oklahoma are completely bias and have no reguard for children in these cases. They do not care how the children feel growing up without their father. But yet they will put children in foster homes and ignore them being abused and molested. They won’t remove kids from bad home where the parents don’t take care of or even want their children. But they will tell a father who wants to be a dad to his kids that he can’t because of a mistake he made many years ago and treat him as of he was a habitual offender. I do not have any worry in my mind or heart of him hurting my kids but they can’t see him as a changed man who has grown up and learned from his mistakes all they see is SEX OFFENDER…. His p.o. has automatically labeled him the second he sat at her desk. We are lost and have no idea what to do other than hire an attorney (which we don’t have the money to do because she has caused him to be demoted at work so his pay check will now be cut in half..) and file a petition with the DA to ask for a change in his probation rules. Which we have been told his case is to old and out of statute of limitations to modify his regulations. What do we have left. Faith in God..hope and prayers.

  15. Barb Wright

    I read these posts with a heavy heart. My son will be added to the register when he is sentenced on March 28th. I cry a lot, worry about him committing suicide, and sometimes think it is hopeless. But instead of giving up, I have joined in the fight against sex registration laws. According to the Ohio RSOL, we have tried for YEARS to get registered sex offenders and their families to join in the fight, with no luck. There are five of us fighting residence notification requirements. Where are the other voices? I agree with the writer of the original post: PLEASE JOIN IN THE FIGHT. WRITE YOUR CONGRESSMAN. HAVE YOUR NEIGHBORS AND FRIENDS WRITE YOUR REPRESENTATIVE. I get frustrated and overwhelmed, but I have to make a difference. I have to try. Will you join me in the fight?

    • courtney

      My son was Registered in February for Gross Sexual Imposition

      How do I join the fight, The laws definitely need reformed

    • Sally

      My boyfriend is a registered sex offender. I have a 7 year old son who lives primarily with his father. My ex found out about my new boyfriend and went to court and had my visitations revoked. Now I am in court fighting. He wants sole custody of my son. My boyfriend only served 3 months in prison with 5 years probation. He has about 7 months left. Has done all his classes and passed all his lie detector tests. He is allowed to see his own children with no restrictions and has to let his PO know if he is going to be around other children. I since then have been arrested for risk of injury to a minor which is a felony charge and his PO did not put him in violation. I haven’t seen my son in 3 months. The case got continued till may…so I won’t even see him on Mother’s Day. It makes me upset because some of these offenders should be allowed to have a chance at life, regardless of their convictions…but not if you molested a child. That’s unforgivable. But people need to look more into these cases before taking action and the only one it will hurt are the children. My son really liked my boyfriend and got along great with his son who is the same age and just like that, we wake up with the state police at the house and just like that, my son was gone. I haven’t seen him since January 2, 2016. Great way to bring in the new year. My son will text me saying he misses me and wishes he could see me in real life. The only way I see my son is through FaceTime. It’s all mortifying cuz I feel like I did nothing wrong.

    • brocker1234567

      yes, we will help you…
      dont give up the fight is going to be long and uphill all the way…
      but we must stick together on here on this site.. this site is our best hope.. ive researched many many hours and this site is our best hope…
      we must grow our numbers…
      I think the best way to grown them is for everyone reading this post to randomely look up on the state registries all over this country as many RSO as they can afford stamps to write and start writing them annomous letter tellign them about RSOL.org… there are 700,000 RSOs just think about that… u know each of the 7 hundred K have at least one person if not 2 or 3 or 4 or more that would join us…. do the math, those numbers will get attention from the fear mongering politicians hell bell on such draconan laws
      Dont give up.. dont ever give up

    • Anonymous

      I agree with u there i was 17 when i cought my charge for dating a girl who was 14 and having consesual sex and convicted before the new romeo and juilet law was passed and my charge todays time is a misdemenor but because i was covicted before this new law was passed i am a sex offender and cant have a life now and although everyone understand it is bull crap what i deal with there nothing they day can be done the law is the law they say now i think im ready to just die and get it over with n give our wonderful government what they want for .all sex ofenders to die

  16. Antawn griffin

    You’re so right. I am a registered sex offender i have a statement from my victim saying we have had sex after i was released and i still cant get off this sex offender list and life is so hard cant get a good job to help my wife more who has been by my side for 4 years i just want a chance at a normal life i have 7 kids that needs more support from me

  17. john.

    what can you do? nothing. everyone makes mistakes yet society will make sure this one we will pay for till the day we die. I can’t go a day with out regret, pain, anxiety, shame, or fear. often finding myself wanting to end it is wish I could go back in time. we are no longer considered humans. we are animals. we (in the eyes of society) deserve nothing but pain regardless of the situation. where’s the help? it doesn’t exist. any therapist you talk to already has a bias in them. they believe you will offend again. they don’t worry about you. I’m tested, insulted, hurt and talked down to often and find that I can’t at all defend myself. relationships. … forget it. lucky is the man/woman labeled a sex offender that actually finds true love. I feel for you all but I believe this is one battle we’ve already lost. we are not allowed to live normal lives. period.

    • david

      Hang in there John. Just be the best person you can be. I once told a guy in my group that I didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. He replied, “You make your own light.” What would make you feel better? Is there anything you can do to help someone else? Can you help RSOL in any way?

      Things are pretty bad right now but i do believe it’s going to hit bottom soon. Did you watch Galen Baughman give his Ted Talk? A mainstream presentation by a “sex offender”. That’s really a big deal! If enough people speak up and work to change the laws and the misconceptions about “sex offenders” thing’s can only get better. Plus we have so many people on the registry and it just keeps growing. It’s a number’s game and pretty soon it’ll reach a point where so many people are registered that it’ll HAVE to be reformed. So hang in there..it’ll get better.

    • Dawn

      I feel for you my fiancé committed a chrime 5 years ago but was not put on the registry. Now social services says he is a risk to my 18-month-old daughter. It is crucifying me and my daughters happy family is no more I hate the system but I hang in there for my girl.

  18. Anon

    My boyfriend is getting sentenced this Friday. 5 years probation and registering as a sex offender. Sexual battery. He never had physical contact but that’s what they’re telling him to plead guilty to. He has a daughter. I have a son. And I’m pregnant with our child. He can’t be around minors. They told him he can have his registration taken off as soon as his probation is done. I don’t know what to do. They’re going to keep us from him. My son sees him as a father.

    • Greg OBryan

      look there nothing you can do until he gets off of probation but when he gets off he can go to a park and other places he cant lieve by a school but since he has kids with you he can go to the school

    • Registered Citizen

      Don’t believe them !! I had my Adjudication Withheld !! , Which meant that i Was NOT a Felon, And I would be “FREE” after I finished my Probation, Wasn’t required to “Register”_ But the ” CROOKED” Probation Officer MADE me register or she would violate me. And she LIED without fear of ANY reprimand until she got me CONVICTED AS A FELON, By repeat violations. Probation didn’t care what the “JUDGE” said !! And probation is NOT there to “HELP” anyone Ajust back into the World. There there to find(often LYING to get it done) a way to get you Locked Up For LIFE, I had a little money, And went Completely BROKE fighting Probation !!. I finally saved a little money to go hire a Lawyer to get my record fixed, But according to every Lawyer I’ve went to, I can’t do ANYTHING. So I’m STUCK on the Registry FOREVER here in Florida. Ohh, All of this is because I met a girl in a CLUB with a Fake ID. And this girl even ADMITTED to it !!!!!, AND, While I fought for my LIFE for 2 YEARS, She did the same thing to another Fella, That poor guy is doing 15 years, I never lied, Passed every Polygraph and several forensic psychologist exams, Was released EARLY from Sex Offender Treatment and the Dr even went to Court telling them that I was NOT a SEX Offender !!! Only did 4 of the 10 years Probation. And never had a crime before this charge. Held 5 STATE issues Licenses (including a Firearms Permit), Had character Witnesses from very high places. And NONE of this mattered ! I lost EVERYTHING including my Home and Business. Even my new Wife that I met and married during the court fight, Couldn’t handle the restrictions and pressure and left. But I do have a great Woman now !! She See’s what everyone else DOESN’T, She sees who I am, Not what the Registry tries to make me out to be !! She’s my Rock !!, NO the Registry Doesn’t hell or Do ANYTHING but keep the General Public in a Uproar, I think that’s why the Government started it, It causes CONSTANT PANIC and makes “things (RIGHTS) easy to violate and change under the CLOAK of Safety.. And I hate to sound negative, But our Government doesn’t CARE about our families !! You/We can write all the letters we/you want, It won’t help, Most don’t even get opened !! . Somehow we need to figure out a way to MAKE the Government LISTEN TO US !! But HOW ?? I’m there when someone figures out a way !!!

  19. Gabby

    This story is the same story of my life… I live day to day wondering why murderers go to prison for shorter years after taking someones life and get out and go free but Sex Offenders who are NOT ALL THE SAME NO MATTER THE AGE pay their price for some years and get out with no chance… HOW DO PEOPLE CHOOSE MURDERERS FREEDOM OVER SEX OFFENDERS; PEOPLE CHANGE… ?? I trust God everyday that the government will change. Everyone should be able to have a second chance at life he already did his time… My son ; age one wont get to make memories with his daddy all because of a mistake he made in his past… Hes a born again Christian who has a family now and will never be able to go to his future school events or take him to the park… Its time for us wives of sex offenders to stand up for the sake future generations. I want to be a grandparent one day!

    • Greg OBryan

      If he is off probation he should be able to go to the school were I lieve am getting married to a 32 year old lady who has three kids 3,7,11 year old when I get married I can go to the schools because there like my kids because I got married to there mom I don’t know what the laws are in your state but am from Ky.

      • Anonymous

        Their are strep father laws but my husband still can’t go to the school, and its been going on 12 years now, when he was convicted

  20. Heather

    I really need some help, advice or something. My husband was accused of touching my 14-year-old sister in December, 2014. She was living with us and very rebellious. When he tried to lay the law down as a father figure she wanted him out of the picture. I went with my gut feeling that he didn’t do this. He was charged with child molestation. With the way society is today he didn’t want to risk prison for 25 years and took a plea deal of 10 years probation in September, 2015. Charges he pled to were two counts of sexual battery against a minor under 16. I become pregnant in May, 2015 and should give birth to our baby in two weeks. We have not been able to get in to see the judge to get permission for him to be around our daughter yet. I need to know if they can actually keep him from his biological child and force us apart? Please someone help me/us. I don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out to the point I have sent myself into early labor which doctors were able to stop. I feel like I have no one to talk to because everyone has labeled him a child molester. PLEASE! If anyone can give me advice or guidance I would appreciate it.

    • Rebekah2016

      Isn’t this blog supposed to be here for sex offenders and their families not for people to come on here and blast sex offenders for being monsters?

      • RWVNRAL

        You are correct. This site is not intended to give voice to individuals who wish to further malign registrants and their families. Registrants have already paid the price for the offenses which they were found guilty. Registration requirements legislatively extend the duration of an offender’s punishment beyond a just and judicially prescribed sentence. This is unconstitutional because it violates one of the core principles of our republic: the separation of powers. Legislatures have no power to punish individuals or groups through the enactment of laws. Individuals who seek to support registration schemes which denigrate American citizens who have completed their sentences should find some other forum to which they may freely contribute their thoughts. They are not welcome here. Admin.

    • They can and they will separate the baby from him. My boyfriend of over two years has been separated from our son for almost a year now and we are still together fighting strong to get our family back together. We live in separate homes, and pay a baby sitter to watch our son for a couple hours each weekend just so we can stick it out and get through this. Finally many months later I have an interview with his probation officer to become a chaperone for him. So that he can at least see his son again. Won’t be living with us but I show our son pictures of his dad everyday so he doesn’t forget. He was only 6 months when his daddy had to leave. My boyfriend got with an under aged girl (16)before we got together they were dating. She came to his house once and then wound up pregnant. If I didn’t trust this man with my son he would never be around him but he was the best man I could have for a father to my son because through everything this last year he still supports us and buys our son anything and everything he needs with not one single complaint.

    • Jeremy

      This actually happens more often than you think, Heather. Not only will he not be able to see his biological child while incarcerated, but he will not be able to once he’s on parole or probation either. Although the crime I was convicted of, child pornography, I was guilty of, I, along with my children, had to go through the exact same thing. My girls were 4 and 6 when I was incarcerated. I went four years without even being able to send them a letter or talk to them on the phone. I deserved my sentence, but they didn’t deserve to have their father ripped out of their lives like that. The system actually victimizes more children than they realize by doing this. Treatment tried to tell me that my actions victimized them this way, but I refuse to accept that. My actions victimized them in the way that I was incarcerated and unable to provide for my family. My actions had nothing to do with them removing contact without any sort of due process. I saw other prisoners talking to their children every day, many of which were in for very serious crimes. Stand tall though, Heather. So far, every forum talking about the registry, good or bad, has more and more people calling for change. The stigma of a “sex offender” is slowly going away and legislators are going to start taking notice soon.

      • Anonymous

        I’m sorry. I really feel for you. My husband is incarcerated for CP. He is really a great msn. He just really screwed up. He possessed CP not even realizing it was that bad to look at CP because he had been looking at adult pornography and just started adding the CP to it. He actually thought if he wasn’t buying it or in a chat room solicititating it that there wasn’t a problem. He took his computer to a repair shop for viruses and the technician saw a thumb drive if a cartoon adult and child CP snd they called the police dept. He had a lot of CP on his computer but the majority was adult pornography, but they don’t care. YOU ARE GUILTY NO MATTER WHAT. The Attorney was a waste. My husband got KAW BUT NO JUSTICR. He would never hurt or touch a child. He is only a looker and curious. He is like a Voyeur, but the Assistant DA was out for blood and gave him no good deal for a plea. It’s been a nightnsre. It’s almost killed him and myself. Our children are grown thank God, but it’s been the toughest thing I’ve ever been dealt in life and actually,my husband has been through a lot in life also. He had a slight heart attack in jail and a Cardiologist said he needed a pacemaker, so the judge let him have a furlough for 2 days for the insertion of the pacemaker and then he pushed him through DOC. and the care has been poor quality since. He is 66 and I’m 64. They took him to a Cardiologist 6 months later after installation of pacemaker when we were given a 3 month appt. But of course they wouldn’t let him go to that one. They adjusted the pacemaker in November slowing it down,but his feet,ankles,and calfs and so swollen from fluid he can’t wslk.he’s in a wheelchair and they haven’t taken him to Emergency or a Cardiologist yet. The nurse at prison said she’s made an appt. Wirh a Cardiologist for 2 weeks,but its gotten bad in over 4 months. He could have an infection. His legs are weeping and inmates says he has a fowl odor. I keep EMAILING TDOC and they font fo anything. I’m afraid he has congestive heart failure. They are just letting him get worse when he needs emergency care. It’s a terrible system with poor healthcare. I’m so worried for his life. HE DOESN’T BELONG THERE. I’ve written the the Judge which promised his he as lth care needs would be met. Written yo 3 state representat Ives with no reply. The Governor, congressman, senators ND senators with no redults. They just pass the buck. Even sent commutation of sentencing with no reply. no replies or sending on to someone else the appropriate party and you get no rrdponse. NO WAY OUT! and he got ten years. I’m not sure that he can make it with his health this way and I don’t know if I can with the stress I’m under. There should be a second chance a we. A child molester gets less time. It’s not fsir,it’s not a touch ctime, but they call it child abuse imagery ( or ) exploitation of a minor.these CCA prisons have pushed for higher mandatory minimum prison sentences,which is absurd as its not a touch crime and a non-violent crime, yet you’re looked upon on the same level as a murderer something’s really wrong here. He went to a Physchiatrist and a physchologist for a year and a half priot to being sentenced. Wasn’t ever taken into consideration, he misses it as he has no therapy or rehabilitation. Just punishment. terrible results,bad turnout. I feel like giving up,getting old and real tired. We went to fix up an old 1 room motel we bought next to my son before my husband was incarcerated,was a horror show,made a bad choice,got robbed by crooked contractor of our life savings on top of all of this. Lost over $100,000.and all the work he did had to be redone,but he had gone bankrupt. Put contractor in for fraud & theft but asst.DA said couldn’t prove even though we had proof, a Turnkey contract, he lied and said he was licensed but they said we’d have to sue him civilly which a got a $500.Atty.retainer,she wrote him a letter and the Commissioner, but said it wasn’t worth,cost too much to sue him and he wont respond , crooked contractors get to walk scott-free. I’ve had 3 sets if crooked contrscyors,UNSCRUPULOUS bunch,have stolen me blind,along with the attorney for my husband which him and his assistant were a joke with a $25,000 retainer. ALL IF OUT ME MONEY IS Gone niw. What a bad 2 years and people kill themselves for less., but we love our 2 children, and our daughter have a baby right when they were sending my husband to prison from 3 months in jail. NO JUSTICE. My husband would have saved his retirement money and probably would have had a better outcome to deal with the Asst. DA himself we think. My husband was suffering from PTSD and major depression for years from a traumatic event in his life back from the 1980s when he about list his life, but nothing seemed to be taken into consideration. Our justice system seems to be lacking. I keep telling myself things will get better because I don’t know what else to do. I lost my mother on top of everything else 4 months after my husband was incarcerated. I guess when it rains, It really pours.

    • Jan

      Yes change the law so fathers can see the children . that’s if the children want to see them . isn’t it about children . if the sex offense did the right things like do families course and lots more course . they should be able to see children. I have seen sex offense back in families homes . but what piss me off why is it OK for DHS or Doc,s can put children in sex offense homes .” that’s wrong ” … Why don’t DHS let sex offense have families just go around an check up on them .

  21. Kellie

    I have been with my husband for 5 years. He was accused of raping his kids mom when he was 21. He couldn’t afford a lawyer and unfortunately for him he took a plea deal. He spent 10 years in prison for something he didnt do. And now has to register for life. He is a great man and has helped me raise my two boys and we have been one together. He has a great job and we are doing great. What I have a problem with us the stigma and especially for something he didnt do. Looking at us you would never be able to tell but I keep it no secret from anyone and once they know the story they understand. I met him after he got out and I’m telling you that time lost with his kids and emotional trauma that prison has done to him is sad. There needs to be something done and more proof besides the word of the “victim” needs to be able to be shown in court. There are women in this world who lie and try to make things up to hurt their ex’s. It happens and to loose that much time is an injustice to anyone who was truly victimized. She “victim” tries to contact him on several occasions since his release if someone has been “raped” I don’t think she would try to contact him after their release . It’s sad and fortunately for my husband he is very much loved an has a lot of support and we plan on fighting this registration for life time. Before my husband I had the same veiw as most Americans then my eyes were opened to how many men are falsely accused of things and because they are men are just thrown away to the prisons. Sad very sad.

    • Brad Schilling

      While I know every case is different, I believe that if your case is true, you should realize that you are the exception. And although we agree that registration for life is a knee-jerk, federal over-reaction, there are a few things to consider. Few female ex’s go so far as to accuse their former partners of a sex offense. In fact the percentage of those who actually are offended and DON’T come forward are most likely much higher. Most convicted sex offenders that are convicted and claim innocence, are usually in denial, and will excuse their behavior with thinking errors and definitely minimize their offense. They do this to cover the guilt and shame, to survive in prison. But in regards to the sex offenders that not only do commit the crime, but learn to accept their responsibility, choose treatment, learn victim empathy, and ways to control their deviant behavior, these men need fair treatment as well. Once a sentence has been served and court ordered obligations are fulfilled, the person deserves a second chance. That means no lifetime bans and restrictions. No law change to add or continue punishment. No national or international registry.

    • Annie

      Kellie, my fiancee is going through the same thing with being falsely accused and he is supposed to come out soon and we are looking for a home to rent but it’s difficult. Do you have any suggestions?

      • Greg OBryan

        Will he have to do the 3 year probation if so dont worry when you rent just tell the owner you have a boy friend that comes over alot but your just trying it out to see if he both really want to be together keep a low pro file ok

      • Rihanna

        I do totally understand where your coming from, and I have read quite a few posts here who feel forgotten and singled out with society. I thought I was alone in this , I have often thought through my frustrations, there has to be something that can be done .
        My boyfriend of over a year now was convicted about a year and half ago , before we met he like many did take a plea deal , and was sent to jail for his time he spent three months in one jail, in Indiana and then picked up by Tennessee, which is where this crime occurred.
        His charge is aggravated statutory rape, from an under age girl that he actually dated for three years, he caught her cheating and decided to end things he knew that he needed to end his relationship with her , cause he felt that what he was doing wasn’t right, even tho her mother allowed this to go on with her daughter in her home. I thought that the mother should have been prosecuted as well, for allowing her daughter to sleep with an older man that should be a separate crime . I still dont know or think that anything can be done till he’s off probation which initially he received 2 .50 years probation, 100 hours of community service, he attends a group therapy session which is no help to him , or anyone in his group they make him feel like a monster , and lifetime registration.
        He also has committed suicide, and I say committed suicide cause when the EMT arrived there were no vital signs’ thank God for people who have been gifted with the knowledge to preserve life, or my boyfriend would not be here. It was a hard time just wondering if he was going to wake up ? After six days they woke him , we weren’t sure of his complete recovery ,but he has done well ,other than an induced sezier is what I call it , from him taking the pills.
        He also suffers from schizoaffective disorder his group instructor doesn’t seem to care about that I think its sad cause he has been battling this disease since he was 18 yrs old.
        One other thing he was questioned by the therapist about his crime, my boyfriend mention to him doing his best to be honest stated that there were other children present ,so the therapist is suggesting that something happened with the other children. There is only one victim here his ex girlfriend, he wasn’t interested in children per say, so why does this therapist want to call him a liar, and several other names I care not to mention , one is a baby rapper ,, omg how is this helping my boyfriend. I feel that its un just and wrong .
        Has anyone heard of WAR women against the registry I left a message there many times with no response, they are from what they say fighting the same fight we are here.. I hope and pray these laws change , it really puts us in danger as well as the offender, cause as one lady said its all public , I am afraid sometimes of a drive by shooting its just not judicially sane it causes families and especially children to be hurt, these men have already done their time guilty of ,or not give it a rest society these men should be given another chance I totally agree without registration. The law does financially profit from the registrants as well , as therapist, profit very well its expensive we struggle each month to pay his legal obligations.

      • Anonymous

        Mine is basically the same senieo, he dated the girl, her parents were fine with it, and he got caught, it’s been 12 years now

    • I like your story. Lawyers don’t help any males and not many people have money for a lawyer. That’s why males are in jail now. And jealous ex’s do play games. I have a long story to I’m with a sex offender. He didn’t do any thing either, but no one will help us. He is very nice and I have been with him for 9 years now.

    • gem

      I could not agree more with you Kellie. Very sad. My boyfriend has done time about 7 yrs. I met him after 1 year being on parole, he is still currently on parole. Their life is never the same. Hopefully there will be changes made in the near future.

      @ John – I also agree with David. Hang in there! You are not alone.

    • I am going through the same thing with my family member who is still away in prison for supposedly raping an adult. It’s bullshit..and all they believe is the victim. When there was no real evidence just substaional lies . They took that and ran with it. I am a stronge belliever in the higher power..he has a plan and what goes around comes around. He don’t sleep. Just support your loved one and one day we will all see the light again. God has the final say. My family member has support from all of his family,children, friends and higher ppl who are on our side. Everyone I know it’s hard . We all have to pray and be strong. Never give up the fight and pull together. We all are going through it. A lot of men are falsely accused and are treated worse then a murderer. In any case if god forgives us. Why can’t the system forgive ?? I think it’s absurd!! None of us are alone ..stay up & be blessed all:

  22. lr

    Not all offenders are high risk. It’s not right to label these people for life because of stupid decisions they made in past. Also the victim will never healed by just hating. If the offender did the time he deserves a chance as long as he don’t screw up again. The families don’t deserves to be punished forever do they?

  23. Deborah

    About 15 years ago my husband was sleeping when his then wife now ex wife ask if her daughter could sleep in bed with them he said as long as she sleep other other side of the bed when he woke up his wife was not in bed but playing on the computer and he noticed his hand was on his step daughters breast he imdealy removed it and went outside upset he had touched her then a year later his wife turned him in and in 2002 he plead guilty in order to be able to work to support his family finally he divorced her and went on with life the best he could he met me and we took it slow and we dated from 2003 to 2005 when we got married and since then we raised 7 children and even had custody of 2 grandchildren 1 was the son of his step daughter who he touched now it been 13 year since his conviction and he has proven he is not a threat but when employers look him up all they see is sex offender a peditor how is someone sleeping a peditor is beyond me how the DA came up with that. Well for the last 7 months my husband has not had a job and I’m just getting over melanoma and hope it won’t return so he has been looking for a job to support us and his little adopted bother his mom gave us custody of so he can have education he needs he really needs a job before we get evicated I really wish people would realize alot sex offenders have families and need to support there families

  24. Stacey E.

    I am related to someone who is considered a “sex offender” who did nothing to an actual child or adult female. Due to his porn addiction he viewed something not considered acceptable in the eyes of the law and spent 5 years in prison for it. He is not attracted to, nor has he ever done anything sexual to anyone under age. So, while you’re screaming about how these people are victimizing others, keep in mind that a large amount of “sex offenders” are those that never actually offended.
    Also keep in mind that I was molested by a different relative for about 5 years, and if I was inclined, I could demonize all of these people. You need to get therapy. I’m telling you right now, EMDR was the best thing I ever went through to get over the obsession with being angry at the person who did that to me. I know, if you’re telling the truth, that you weren’t to blame, but focusing on it isn’t making your life any better.
    Oddly, the person who is the actual offender in the family has never spent a second in jail or prison. Nice justice system we got, ain’t it?

    • Misty

      Amen!! I was raped and molested for several years growing up so I know the “feeling” you get when you go around a REAL offender. And now I’m marrying an “offender” who was charged with indecent exposure and now we’re fighting with dhs over it and we have done EVWRYTHING the law has told us to do and they still want to take my kids! My ex husband is a county deputy and is fighting with us, and if he’s on our side and a cop why can’t they just leave us alone!!!

  25. Anonymous

    I have known my significant other for over 16 years. We dated in high school. He served 3 years in the Army. After getting out of the Army he moved home and stayed with his family, where he soon found out his younger sisters (there are 3 of them) were being molested by his step-brother. After CPS and the law came into the scene, he left home and was living on his own.
    He was caught by 2 children urinating on the side of a “vacant” building. He was 19 and their ages were 11 and 12. Somehow, after several trials and court proceedings, he ended up being charged with indecency with a child with contact and was sentenced to 10 years in prison.
    Mind you, he himself was a victim of a sex crime by his own father at the age of 12. He and I do not understand why one victim of such a heinous crime would do such a thing to another. Nor could they keep the story straight. First there wasn’t contact, then there was, then there was, then there wasn’t, then there was. There was not any consistency in the case, but nonetheless, he was charged and served his time.
    After he served his time, he was picked up by ICE and was deported back to Mexico. In the U.S. he was a permanent resident but not a citizen, even though he had been in the US since he was an infant. Well regardless, he was deported.
    Now we are trying to get him home. We are talking with lawyers to see if we can get his offences dropped, or the eliminate the registration process and more. So we don’t only have the sex offender status against us, but also him being deported to Mexico.
    I have a 7 year old daughter, and she loves this man as if he was her daddy. He is wonderful with her. He and I would like to get married, but it will require him getting back to the U.S. or us moving to Mexico, and then fighting with the ability to keep Lily with us while he is labeled a sex offender.
    We have not given up hope. Regardless of those who are against us, he is a great man, he works hard, and he tries to be better everyday!

    • ellen

      My husband is a registered sex offender and I feel much like everyone else’s posting on here. He has probation for 3 years bur registered for life. He viewed child porn and one count of p2p network. Never has engaged in sexual abuse but is labeled as a tier 3. I freaking hate this system and as with all family members related to a sex offender tge family is criminalized as well. His ex-wife has been posting a mess of stuff on FB about him and that is okay for him to be exploited like that? WTF!! I know what is true about him and have known him for years prior to this. I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. I am not saying all of this because I am his wife and best friend but for anyone going through this stigma and unfair system should be jacked up. I think that for anyone who is a repeat offender should be on the registry for life but if the sex offender does everything to comply and their is proof that they are complying them they should be at least considered to down grade their tier level. My daughter loves my husband to death and lives him even more than my ex-husband but I believe with all my heart that his ex-wife is trying her best to have him arrested so that he can be put away forever. She is a piece if work to put it lightly ( very very very very lightly). Oh and by the way my husband informed me that she was in a mental institution before he met her but her family never told him that.

  26. Michele

    I’m a girlfriend/fiancé to a level 2 sex offender. He was accused of promoting a sexual act against a minor. There was no physical contact wat so ever and a good friend of ours who works in corrections can’t figure how they can label him as a level 2 with no physical contact. It was all through text messaging. My boyfriends life of firefighting was taken away from him n he can’t b around his kids unless I’m there with him and can’t go anywhere or do anything unless he gets prior approval from his PO. 80% of the people in the town we live in along with his therapist said he got screwed and it was a bunch of bullcrap. Yeah he understands n is sorry for texting a 15 yo but to put him on the registry as a level 2 is ridiculous not to mention after it was over in court a few months later his lawyer got out of the law practice. It’s all so unfair

  27. carla

    Hi everyone,

    I came across this page and wanted to share my story and hopefully meet some people in similar situations.

    I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, we met online and instantly fell in love! After a year he told me about his conviction. I was heartbroken, but somewhere inside myself I found the strength to keep going and forgive him. We are both 29 and work full time in good jobs.

    When he was 20, he was watching and downloading lots of porn, somewhere in the masses there were indecent images of children. He said it was an accident, the judge didn’t agree… he got put on the register for 7 years. (We both know how the word ‘accident’ can be used, but I genuinely believe he has never been interested in children). He has just over 2 years left.

    We live in the UK, where the register isn’t made available to the public…. I feel so much for couples/families/individuals in the States and other countries, whose private information is accessible to neighbours/friends etc. It really isn’t fair!

    I was just reading through some of these comments and wanted to reach out, especially to the individuals who are considering ending their lives. Do not do it. Someone will find you one day and fall in love with you for who you are, not what you’ve done. Hold out for it, cause it will be worth it.

    It has not been easy. My parents do not agree with our relationship and refuse to see my partner. Only a small number of our friends know about his conviction, but are supportive. However I am worried they may change their mind when they have their own children. We want to start a family when he is removed from the register, but I am very concerned about what happens when we get invited to other childrens parties etc. Do we need to tell everyone all the time? Do we tell our kids? Do we give up on the idea of kids? Please help, would like to hear some other thoughts on this.

    Really happy I have found this page and I am hoping that this helps other people as well as myself.

    xxx

    • Anonymous

      My son was caught sleeping with a girl that was under 18 she was 16 he was 23 at the time and it was consitual she was a sheriff’s daughter he did 4 years in jail for this i heard after this she tried to kill her mom and dad after this my son now is basically homeless they wont let him stay with me when i put him in a hotel they say he cant stay there because of city. Ordinance i cant find maps where he can or cannot stay he has done his time he is not on probation or parole but is marked for the rest of his life my grandma and grandpa were married at 16

      • Anonymous

        My son who is now 26 , it happened to him , he was 19 and the 2 different girls that were being passed around town( I’m not saying that Ina a mean way, but it was true ) my son didn’t have sex with one of them it was kissing and oral sex they were both 15 and it happened both within one months time , if it wasn’t for my faith in God, I don’t know where I or my son would be , we live in a small town and everybody knows about it , our friends support us but as for my son, he didn’t do anything different than 5!others guys he ran around with , it was all consensual until one of the mothers found out and went to the police department, the other boys were 17 and 18 yrs old , they didn’t get even questioned but we were told that because our son was 19 they went after the oldest one involved , and to make it worse both of the girls ( who still carried on after my son was arrested , they continued to drink liquor they stole from their parents house, popped zanex and and smoked weed and continued the same behavior just with a different set of boys but they lied to their parents and turned it around on my son totally and said he forced himself on them , so they wouldn’t get I trouble by their parents and get grounded !! I see these two girls in the store and around town they are living their lives like nothing ever happened ! And my is sitting in prison for 3?yrs and holds a lifetime every 90 day registration for life !!! He wants to commit suicide let along sitting in prison in fear for his life because they label them in prison as sex offenders aka “I rape children” and they get physically messed with because other inmates have “a problem” with guys who rape and molest children!!! He didn’t rape or molest anyone let alone a child !!! They are all grouped in the same category !! His case as rwo teenage girls screwing with older guys and lands one , my son , into a life of hell, it’s very sad , I was also old that the law can be changed , the law was originally created to keep men that do rape little girls and are sick individuals under radar so they can’t commit another crime and law official s can find such people when something happens, they need to be able to find them in order to question them to see if they are responsible for a rape of a little girl in the area , but the second off register is so large it’s not even effective , I live in a small town kinda in the country and within a 20 mile radius there are 33 sex offenders in this area and I bet maybe one is legitimatley in place , the rest are more than likely cases like my son , he has met so many guys his age or around that are in the same boat , a few that were accused by a teenage daughter that they were dating the mom, they were spoiled can’t get thier way so in relatiation I will just accuse my moms boyfriend of touching me and he will get in trouble , that will get my mom back for her not letting me do what I want !!! That kind is crap happens every day in this great country of ours, everyday !!!

      • Rihanna

        I agree these laws should be changed,, I sincerely hope that something could be done to stop this separation of families and false accusations against innocent ones,, as someone already said not all sex offenders are high risk,

    • aaron

      I hope you are still hanging in there, I have been dealing with these problems for nearly 25 years. when I was 19 my life was turned upside down by a “plea deal” taken in order to avoid possible prison time, though I was not guilty of the sexual battery charge I took the plea for 5 years probation. 90% of the evidence was coerced by overzealous police investigators. During the course of the court case my name was published in the local small town paper 3 times, I wanted it to be over so I took the “PLEA DEAL”. That was before the registration laws came into effect in Virginia. When I moved to Washington to go to college I was required to register. Now I live in Ca. I just finished a 16 month sentence in San Quentin and Soledad Stae Prisons for failure to register. So I ended up in prison 23 years later for the original case which I didnt get a day in jail for. I kick myself every day for being persuaded into taking that deal. I am still in contact with the so called victim within the past five years or so, it was awhile before I was able to forgive her for lying to me about her age but there is a long story of sexual abuse in her past that influenced her. We have tried to clear it up through the courts but Ive been told by attorneys it could cost up to $50000 and there is still no garauntee of expungement. So what I wanted to tell you is: I have been pretty fortunate to rise above it until lately, had good jobs, a Wife (ex-wife now) Children who I love with all my heart, house, new truck. As of the past five years or so this thing has turned into a political witch hunt as election years get closer those in the judicial system begin to reach farther for sex and murder convictions because it shows voters they are going after the demons of society and in this country many are prosecuted on shaky evidence at best. At worst innocent people are being railroaded simply because they dont have enough money for a proper defense. They will lead you to believe sexual predators are hiding on every dark street and bush you walk by. It is absolutely insane and if you could see it from the perspective of an incarcerated person in the court room it becomes so obvious how much of a farce it really is. I dont know the state of the population there in the UK but here in the US much of the population seems to be living in a state of constant fear. If you lived here in California I would not recommend having children but with your registry being private that might not be much of an issue, arent most of your country men and women somewhat free thinking and not so easily fooled by the bullshit? At least more so than here I hope. Please tell me the whole world is not going crazy in a state of panicked, fear driven decisions.
      Do not fear, Listen to your heart

      • david

        I’m sorry you had to go to prison. It’s so stupid. Like you said, it’s a witch hunt. Your story really makes the point that if you’re a R.S.O. your life can be shredded at any time. So you missed your registration. Big effing deal. There’s guys who got less time for manslaughter. It sounds like you made an honest mistake a long time ago. But yeah, EVERYTHING is a big deal if you have the “sex offender” label. Really, haven’t we all had enough of this bullshit? It’s hard for one person to fight the system…but damn, there’s almost a million registered folks out there. That’s a lot of people who are having their constitutional rights pooped on: Retroactive punishment after the fact. Cruel and unusual punishment (call it “regulatory all you want but it’s obviously punishment: any judge or politician who says otherwise I DARE them to try living as a registered person and see how it goes. You register cars, not people). Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, right?

        I was arrested in an online sting where it was a “bait and switch”. Should’ve been smarter but had no idea of the seriousness of the charges I could face. I foolishly believed until I actually did something I was O.K. so I went ahead and agreed to meet. Worst mistake of my life. Anyway, there was 3 front page articles in the local paper. I was on the T.V. The cops called the sting “breaking up a child sex trafficking ring”. That’s what comes up when you google my name. I had a brick thrown thru my window, my building vandalized, and flyers put up in the local post office. It’s so strange to find myself in this position. I’ve never had a sexual encounter with a minor, as an adult, ever. When i think about how society views me i get extremely paranoid. Sometimes i almost expect to be killed. I know how it feels, Aaron, to not want to leave the house.

        In many ways i’m very lucky. I was facing 5 to 40 years and it looked like i’d be doing at least 5 but my lawyer worked hard to keep my out of prison. Had a decent judge too. Another guy recently busted by the same cops, on the same adult dating site, facing the same charges as me, just got handed ELEVEN years. I’m lucky to have the support of family and friends. Even the town i live in has been pretty good to me and i’ve several people i barely knew contact me and offer encouragement after they heard what happened. There’s lots of nuts out there though and i’m always on edge…if you’ve ever been woken up by a brick breaking thru your window you know what i mean.

        I’m so grateful to RSOL and everyone who fights for us. It’s also really helpful to hear how other people are coping. I wish there was more i could do to help. My opinion is one of the best things we can do for ourselves is to not accept the “sex offender” label. Even if someone has done something “bad”…at some point they/we need to start living again. We’re all in this together. Life is too precious to waste living in fear.

  28. Anonymous

    I dated this one female that looked and acted like she was 18 or 19 ended up she was 13 I have a 5 year probation and been suffering I understand that but aggregated sex assault sounds like I’m the Osama Ben Ladin of USA I mean yes I fucked up but I never hide anything I told the truth and she lied about everything and had evidence yet the judge never listened to me its harsh where i have to live with the aggrevated sex offender for life

  29. Wife of A Sex Offender

    So here is my story in a nutshell: my husband accused of a touching a young girl.. no evidence, a year late in jail he took a plea… 5 years probation, sex offender registration, akle monitor.. SUCKS. Straight out of jail we got married, he had a job within a week of jail ( which they knew), everything isnt crazy hard as a sex offender, except for the fact, he has to live in a motel while I live at the house with the kids becasue he can’t be around them. I have to only see him when my mom watches my son. We are going through counseling to try to get approval to let him be around our children.. but we keep getting the run around. He is scheduled to take a polygraph next week. Then we can hopefully take it to the judge to get approval for him to be around his two sons. This is crazy, sex offender laws are ridiculous!! SO MANY INNOCENT LIVES RUINED OVER IT. Does anyone have any advice as to what we need to do to get the kids approved?? We are going thru all of the “state approved” counselors, and polygraphers my worry is they are going to try to screw us.. i just don’t trust anyone 🙁

    any advice will be appreciated!

    • Jennifer

      I’m in the same boat. My fiancé was accused of touching his ex gf little girl. No evidence just his word against theirs. He got 10 yr probation. Been on it almost 2 years. Im going to be his chaparone so he can be around his kids and mine. Trying to find loop holes if I can

    • Anonymous

      Omg. I’m feeling your pain. My husband pled guilty to risk of injury because a dcf worker who was mad at me reports him for inappropriate behavior towards my daughter. My daughter loves him and is very close. She has said from the beginning nothing happened inappropriate, but she did mention his weird moods (he is diagnosed with depression, anxiety, delusions, and severe PTSD) so now he can’t live with us, has been evaluated, is the kindest most amazing man I know. His Po is just convinced he is dangerous. We had the prosecutors agree to unification but probation is doing everything not to allow that. I could go on for hours on how he has been treated by the justice system, how unfairly I have been treated by Dcf and how my daughter only had a voice on one day of this whole investigation. There are no advocates to help her and I just look like I’m protecting him, not fighting for her. I cannot really putvonto word everything that has happened but I am certain it is unfair. I have a totally different view of this whole sex registery nonsense not to mention DCF and the justice system. I have depleted all my funds for lawyers and have nothing left.

    • Anonymous

      Hi Hun I was in the same place you were .my fiancé is a sex offender he did five years in prison then was on parole for five years with an ankle bracelet. I have a 12-year-old daughter that he could not be around whatsoever so me and her had to live in a different place while he lives somewhere else. We did this for five years and now he’s off parole and is allowed around children we just had a baby boy together and just bought a house but the way they treat the sex offenders that aren’t really these horrible sickos is just wrong. Our lives have been torn apart because of this my daughters dad just found out that my fiancé is a registered sex offender her and just told me that my daughter cannot stay in my home while my fiancé is here but he doesn’t realize how great of a man my fiancé is He is just reading what is on paper he doesn’t know the real story he doesn’t know the real great guy who my fiancé is and now I am stuck in a situation and don’t know what to do this is horrible and I am sorry that you’re going through this

    • Anonymous

      All you can do is wait out until he is off parole we have to hide and tried and tried and they would not let my fiancé around my daughter until he was off of parole

    • mandy

      My fiancé is a lvl 3 sex offender, who so happens should not be at all. 10 years ago he was with a girl who lie her age. They dated for some time her own parents let her live with him, and he found out she was cheating on him with other man and broke up with her. Her parents press charges.. And are very wealth people and know the arresting officer very well.. He said is rights were takin away. They arrest him broke into his apt with out no warrant . And with out permission his case along he told me as conflicting statements which non is right , at the date he was convicted. He was also some how arrest for the same crime in other jurisdiction. There is double jeopardy right there…
      There alot more but I’m basically what I’m going off from what he told me… And the girl that he was with got pregnant had the baby and the dna test was negative that the baby was his.. He was doing at that time like any father would…. Wrong place at the wrong time.and not having a great lawyer and no money he spend 4 years in prison for it and other charges he wasn’t aware about..
      There been people to this very day harassing him about it last year on his bday . He got a threatened fb message from someone..
      This man I’m with he is a good heart kind soul treats me soo well looks out for my well being.. And its sadden that he can’t get a job here in new York. We are thinking about moving .. But will the problem happen again about finding work. He had one side job but we are struggling getting by just barely making rent with my income. Every job he try to get.. Failed the background check…
      now where someone like him to find work..
      He very sweet to kids of all kind.
      Me and him were going to have a baby but I lost it at 10 weeks.

      He took a wrong turn and now his adult live is playing a huge role.. when is justice going to overrule when is going to be to give these people their rights to find work to have their families and be apart of society.

      And also to clear his name its a muilt million dollar lawsuit again ny and the girl family and the police etc…

      I wish life will get easier on him something has to pull through something..

    • janet

      hello ,im janet have you heard any thing about if your children can see thier dad yet . just im in the same way you are . its good on here no one puts any one down or judge you

  30. Dee

    My son was going with a girl who was telling him she was 18 come to find out she was only 16 .Her mom and dad was letting them live together in there house . As long as my son was bringing in a pay check everything was good . But when my son lost his job they put him out and charged him with being a sex offender . Now everything is going bad for him and i don’t know how i can help him .He has a new girlfriend and they have a child and one on the way . I would like to know how they could do that? Not long after my son got out the girls father was arrested for the same thing. Makes me think he was doing it to all along. What should I do?

  31. Crystal

    Please tell me who to write to change laws in Texas!! We filed child support on husband son mom.. She said rape my husband has child since born he is 12.. We found out she lied on birth certificate an other things.. She live with my husband..,never report missing . but now found out was a minor 12 years ago.. She got pissed cause did not want to support son. An my husband for punishment for a liei,g bitch for life. It’s heart breaking we have 4 sons an they r devastating.. Please help there has to be something do,e.

  32. Nicole

    I have been by my husband’s side since this all started. This happened before he met me. He use to be on drugs one of his friends took him into his home and helped him get clean. There’s 8 people that live in a single wide mobile home. 4 of them are kids. My husband stayed there for 8 months and then moved out. When he moved it is when he was accused of molesting an 8 yr old little girl. Apparently he just swiped her once. That’s what the little girl is saying. I wanted him to fight it but we couldn’t afford a lawyer that really cared.. so now we’re expecting twins so he decided to take the plea bargain. 30 days in jail 5 years probation. 15 years he can possibly get it off his record. He can’t be around any girl minors unsupervised. He didn’t even do it and we’re all having to pay for it. Now I’m so scared that he won’t be able to be around our kids or dhs will take our kids.. All I ask is for yalls prayer and I will pray for yall as well. It isn’t fair. For anyone. I believe everyone deserves a chance. If they really thought he did it why allow him around any kids whatsoever? Only 5 years probation?

  33. I am a registered sex offender. I admited my guilt and plead no contest. I read all these other posts in here about being tricked or rail roaded in your trials. If this is true, then I am truly sorry. But if your lying, it will only hurt your recovery, and there IS recovery.

    Yes it’s hard out here. I was in prison for eight years so there was a lot to get used to again. But there is a place for us out here. I am going to school for welding; I have a job and friends. Me and my ex fiancé are taking and will be seeing each other very soon. It’s all about finding a little peaceful corner in this world and surround yourself with positive people.

    Can’t find a job? Where are you looking? Factories and temp agencies are your best bet. Can’t find a place to live? Find some old landlord with a not so great apartment. You will have better luck with privately owned buildings.

    As for your family suffering with you, how much more would they suffer if you killed yourself? I agree that all these rules and regulations are completely illegal, and it’s only a matter of time until the courts see that. So until that day, keep your chin up. Every day you aren’t assaulting or dead is a win.

    • Sa

      Well its time for us on the registry to stand up an stop saying it hard its time to do its time to act . All thru my probation an therpy I’ve heard how hard the rules are an yes I questioned them I asked the hard why questions the response well I don’t know I can tell my rules the office I register with an I know them better then him , If it says you can’t live 500 feet from a park then ask is 500 to the equpiment like where I live or the property line of the park ask the office ask to be there when they measure it ask them to show the law that states it make them do there job as tax payers they work for us . If its 500 feet to a school is it to building or property line again ask make them show you its there JOB if its not clear then have law changed to make it clear ,ask the police to be there again when they measure do you realy know the measurement is what they say unless you see it or have a friend measure for you challenge then don’t let them control you the same with finding a job if they no ask them why make them give you the real reason use your voice . they didn’t take our freedom of speech the se with houseing if they say no challenge them . Sometime a person person believe it feeling get in the way of following the law when it comes to a sex offender , don’t just sit there look up the laws challenge people if they say no show them the law that says they can’t do this or that cause of there personal feelings .Just cause the police think you should be jail for your life doesn’t mean they can break or not follow the laws they are paid to enforce , ask questions challenge them make them go beyond saying well that’s the rules . I have all my rules on paper if anyone challenges me I show them I’m with my rules by showing them the rule . I am saying stop bitching stop saying how hard it is an do something about it live your life to the fullest my life is far from over I’m not going to let these rules control me I’m going to question the enforcers of these rules the makers of these rules . If you have a issue with your PO be a man take it up with his or supervisor I have if you have a issue with your theripst during treatment go above them go to the state dam don’t just sit there an say your life’s over its over if you let it be over I go shopping I go to store I go to the movies if your doing nothing wrong why worry . More an more judges are saying the laws an rules are to strict an they are changing an sending a message to the law makers it is getting out of control . an I have a question if you fear for your child’s saftey due to sex offender living down the street what were you doing to keep them safe before he moved in ? A message go parents where were you when your son or daughter is talking to adults anyone over 18 an lieing about there age an meeting them what kind of parent allows there child to do that ? It’s time for parents to be parents now not when something bad happens to child why arnt they teaching them right from wrong ? It’s time for parents to ask the age of there kids date its time to stop being there best friend. The sad part is its not the registered sex offender who does stuff with there kids its there date there family a teacher a coach , it time for parents to think for themselves an not buy into fear spread by the police an media . all I’m saying is wake up don’t just sit there an think life is over

    • Marie

      Thank you for posting this comment. It helps me so much to prepare for my fiancee that will be paroling soon. Can I ask you a personal question? Does your fiancee have children and is there a concern she will lose custody if their father takes her to court? If this is the case, share. I’m in the situation now. It was nice reading your post from your perspective and congrats to you in your success. I wish you the best.

    • Chris

      Thx. Your words and attitude help me. I lost everything. Can’t ever work in my profession again, health care. Lost all friends. Have a crummy job. Never touched a soul. 20 pics included in a p2p file not able to identify screwed my life. The D.A. was running for mayor and said no deals. Therapy is hard because I can’t see what I did was wrong , just stupid. Now my life is at the bottom

  34. Matthew M

    My conviction happened one month again, i am now what the government wants to label me a sex offender. I am 22 years old and my whole life is over. I was looking up how to kill myself and ran into this article, and if i were to kill myself i want someone to hear me before hand. When i was nine i was vioolently raped by a stranger and he left me bite marks on my private areas and there still present there. This man took pictures and videos of me and told me to never tell anyone or he will come back for me.

    When i graduated from high school with honors i became really depressed and my mom got me a therapist and everything. it kind of help but it never filled the emptiness in inside me. So after a few years of that i went looking for my rapist through make shots and arrest records to see if i could recognize him at all.. I obviously found nothing at all but i tried, and then i was on instagram and i ran into peoples instagrams that had ton of child porn, at first i was like omg report that shyte, then i started getting flash backs and my heart starting racing. I started getting night terrors and cold sweats after seeing that for the first time. and then i starting thinking that, that’s how i can find my rapist. and the next thing i know a couple months later im in jail for 3 counts of child porn. granted i got out 6 hours later with only a 1,500 bond.

    but I’ve done everything to prove my story and that i’m not sexually attracted to children. I’ve done lie detector and a peter meter, for those who don’t know what that is. Its a test that sees what you get aroused to by showing images and audio of kids and adults. And i’ve passed everything. My lawyer tried to change my charge to child abuse and obscene material. but the prosecutor wouldn’t budge. and now im on probation for 10 years with 2 year ankle monitor with early termination on everything. but i can never live at my house again. My backyard is my highschool like for real. I can stay at my house from 6am till 10pm. I can play in my backyard with high schoolers on the other side of the fence. I cant be at my house when kids are not at school but i can be there when kids are. makes no sense to me!!! i cant be at my house for an extra 8 hours!

    Like most of us we’ve lost everything. I had an amazing job. at the VA hostpial and i got fired! i’ve only had two jobs my entire life and ill never have a chance at life. Ill always be labeled a sex offender and im not even sexual attracted to children or have an desire to be with a child. It doenst make any sense! i need help. i already have 3 vilolations on my probation within the first month! i cant do this alone. im so lonely. All i can think about is killing myself and i tried that many times but someone has always saved me!

    im too scared to live, i fear for my life everyday

    • Marie

      Thank you for posting this comment. It helps me so much to prepare for my fiancee that will be paroling soon. Can I ask you a personal question? Does your fiancee have children and is there a concern she will lose custody if their father takes her to court? If this is the case, share. I’m in the situation now. It was nice reading your post from your perspective and congrats to you in your success. I wish you the best.

      • Hi a wife to be my soon to be husband. In jail for for a lie . daughter was 18 .when she got upset with her FATHER CAUSE SHE WANTED TO GO WITH BOYFREIND AND told her no.she wasn’t see him for a while cause of her glade in school she told him he will be sorry.so went and but those charges on him .he have a jury he says maybe some one in the stand will she that she have lies. Even the daughter mom is a witness on his behalf cause she at time she right there and nothing took place .but the precursor making it hard but I tell him to keep his fact in God .he aloud this to him.and it’s for him purpose he going to bring him out,the daughter scare want to recanted him story. But don’t want to go to jail herself

        Help!!!!!!!!^

    • Marie

      Hello. I saw your post. I was interested in keeping in touch because I seek answers. And I am truly sorry you are going through all of this. I believe that there could have been tons of ways to address your arrest and a conviction of this sort is extreme. I hope you are well. And I hope things are getting better. I wonder if joining together to change these laws would do? I have a fiancee that is getting ready to come home and I risk losing my children. He was wrongfully accused and serves 6 years so far.

    • christy

      Omg. Hang in there. You matter and are important to your family. You will find your place in this world. Don’t ever give up. Ever.

    • Anonymous

      Matthew
      Life is worth living, do you have faith and know God. Trust in him, no matter how things look God can turn it around. He loves all his children and Knows your pain. I am dealing with my own son who is currently in jail for the same charges. My faith is what keeps me going and I know God is with my son and he has a plan for his life. So please don’t give up and remember All things are possible with God and with God all thing are possible.
      Debbie

    • Sharon

      My son doesn’t want to do this any more.he did Alford plea.our son went to court and saw a public defender.we were with him.told the truth he was texting girlfriend in his car .some lady he never saw said he was doing something.but only texting.pd takes him in room with two other pd’s and threatened him said he’d go to jail if he says innocent.this day the pd’s said his mom and dad couldn’t be in room.they cowarsed him to guilty.so didn’t understand Alford plea.we didn’t either,never had any dealings with courts.and laws.we were all blind.it was a citation then they made it misdemeanor.not on sex offender list,because the system knows dam well he didn’t do anything wrong.now with felons,rapists child molesters.he never had any record,but now he does.because they made it happen.hes 22 yrs. old and doesn’t want to live,he can’t handle the lies,the loss of job,girlfriend,apartment,can’t go to school,that he paid for but couldn’t think. Because he’s a good kid.and the system in Minnesota is bringing down everyday.making allegations that are a serious lie.Its been two yrs. of hell.trying to get an atty.to sue for all the lost life for two years of pure mental anguish.this is so wrong.we’ve spent thousands on Attys.and just goes on and on.for nothing.if our son doesn’t live through this we won’t be able to live without him.hes so upset about this because it’s all a lie.he now has anxiety,depression,ptss over these false allegations.our family is sick about this,and no one seems to come threw.attys promise things,then tell us something else that’s not good.dont trust anyone anymore.please help,if anyone can.thanks

    • Ruthie

      Please don’t hurt yourself. I’m a mom and my 19 year old gay son was just put on the list and we are waiting for a letter to see what federal prison he will be going to for possession of child pornography . He did not tell anyone he was gay and turned to the internet out of curiosity. And let me tell you Matthew I think Im devastated now but if my son would kill himself thats a whole new degree devastate. So Please take a deep breath nothing stays the same and people care……I care. Ruthie.

  35. Ashen

    My advice to any male accused of a sex offense….just end it….

    I say this as a guy who was falsely accused of rape in highschool, I was flat out railroaded.

    her story made no sense and, as it turned out wasnt even possible, i was in FL at the time, we live in WA…..so my penis would need to be over 3k miles long and able to remove coveralls by itself.

    her story changed every time i gave the cops and da proof i couldnt have done it, eventually they got the judge to open the window to 6 months before the accusation.

    the cop that did the “investigation” was told to turn the case over to the county sex crimes unit, she didnt she did a railroad job herself, and from what the accusers told me, even told her if she backed out that the cop would be sure she did time for obstruction.

    so eventually after the judge told me i couldnt mention why she would lie(because i caught her skipping out on school after her mother dropped her of so she could smoke meth with her looser friends.. and told her parents)

    i spent 15 years on the SOR, you wont find decent work, you wont find decent housing, you wont get loans/credit, pretty much anything that requires a background check your wont get.

    women will google your name and where you live and find you, then spread the word that you are a sex offender/pervert without ever asking about what the charge you plead to means.

    you will loose most if not all your so called friends.

    people who hear will assume you did it, even if the person who accused you is standing there telling them it was a lie, they wont believe it and will continue to assume your guilt

    you are very unlikely to meet anybody willing let alone interested in dating let alone marrying a sex offender….

    your family will have to watch you suffer and struggle just to survive, lets not even mention trying to get ahead(you wont)

    oh yeah and every time a major sex offender story hits the news, people will find you and threaten/attakc you near your home because, all that info is in home facts….

    your lifes over, you family and any friends who dont abandon you will suffer by extension…

    oh and if anybody is raped within 10-15miles you will be on their list of people to check out…even if your charge wasnt rape….

    even if you get the person to admit they lied, the court will tell you to get a lawyer and clear your name at your own cost….in my case, 20+ lawyers called, the lowest cost was 35k a try, and those who would give us a number for how many tries said 3-5 tries…even with the lier standing there admitting she lied….

    in short your lifes over, you will be stuck staying at home or at work, you cannot go to the movies, you cant go to the store during normal hours( i was told by my probation officer i couldnt shop till after 9pm despite the polygraph they made me take saying i didnt do it 100% innocent)

    oh did i forget to mention…you will spent at least 5 years in “treatment” weekly where you pay at least a days pay if not a few days pay, to be told you have to lie and say you did whatever the cops wrote down that you did….i met one fellow whos crime was being passed out drunk and having a 14yo girl fuck him(the girl even confirmed he was passed out drunk and that she had used a credit card to get his bedroom door open…i saw the court records he carried ith him every day) he had been in treatment for 15years and flat out told me, he expected that the place would never let him out as that would cost them money.

    i quit that program and got VERY lucky and found a new councler who was just starting up doing this stuff, and was a friend of a friend of my mothers, he did 1:1 “treatment” with me, he looked over the tests they used to justify my needing treatment and flat out told me i didnt, saw the poly and sent the judge a letter and was told to leave it alone that i needed to complete treatment and just accept that mylife was over.

    he did try and educate me to the fact my life was over in any meaningful way, i didnt get it, it took years before it really sunk in what he was telling me…

    no sane stable person is going to want to date you, let alone take a relationship with a registered sex offender seriously, you are also setting yourself up for mentally unstable to blackmail you with threats of false rape accusations….(i got very lucky, she said this shit when a family friend who was a cop was in the next room and could hear, and he had the balls to come in and tell her he would testify on my behalf if she did…she left me that day…thank god….she was just using me…)

    Im not trying to sound harsh but….being branded with that scarlet SO really ends your life having any meaning if you had dreams of a family and friends….

    im now 36 years old and i pretty much just stay away from humanity as much as possible, the risks of dating are not worth the very unlikely possibility that somebody will decide that im worthy of love desipite my legal past…..

    btw even if i got my name cleared in court i would then need to sue all the background check companies in washington and oregon to remove the charge/arrest/ect fromt heir records…this is what several lawyers told me..that unless i had a wealthy benefactor there really was no point…..

    do yourself a favor, if you have been accused, and are male….and reading this….just accept your lifes over….

    • someone

      Not true. I fell deeply in love with one. He says the same things, that no one would like him, accept him, love him, etc. Not true. I’m just too ugly to be loved in return. But I’d fight my whole life for him and die for him.

      • Haknee

        I fell in love with one too. A beautiful man that was lied to many years ago. I’ve heard him called cho-mo and was crushed. Thankfully, this man had an amazing family that helped him upon his prison release. We have been married for some time. I’ve never been worried about him finding a younger woman/girl. Good god, he was only 18 when he got his conviction. Has it been easy? Absolutely not. When my father passed away, we inherited a beautiful home, which happened to be across the street from an elementary school. We can’t live there. So we live in a different state, pay that mortgage and our rent. We’ve been blessed to rent a place that allows my husband, my poor credit and my two dogs. My hubby finally got a job, as a dish washer in a restaurant. No one wants to hire him because of his conviction. It is crap. I love him so very much. I’m glad I found him, I am not that strong but I’ve learned I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I thought. He’s done his time, in the prison system and on parole. Why should he have to register? And for life? He was in with a man that sodomized his 18 month old child… That man is off the registration. My husband slept with a girl that claimed (and admitted on the stand) she was seventeen, though she was only fourteen. What makes the difference? A penis in a vagina is rape in that state, but a penis in a toddler’s anus is only sodomy, a much lesser charge. So, in other words, a four year age difference in teenagers, despite the younger teenager lying about her age (and admitting her lie on my he stand) is so so so very much worse than a forty year old dude placing his member inside his toddler son. I am so frustrated and sad. My husband is a good hearted man. People that don’t look up his past see that. I’m sorry. I’m just so passionate about my husband and people in his position being “typecast” into sex offender roles. And being stuck there for life. I’m too distraught to finish my thought. I love my husband, despite his previous conviction. It was unfair, and the crud that the family has to deal with because of it is unfair as well. A punishment is not to be imposed upon anyone other than the accused/convicted, but it also falls on those close to the “criminal”. But the state/Feds can get around it because we can choose who we love/live with/etc. Things need to change. I need help to figure out how to do that.

    • Anonymous

      Seriously? It’s rough. It is nowhere near fair. I love my husband so much. Telling people to off themselves is awful. I know it’s not easy. I don’t know first hand, but I see my hubby being turned down for a job at McDonald’s because of his conviction and I ache. But he did find a job, and a way de that his friends think is great. Beautiful things can happen. But not with such negativity. There is so much hope. But don’t expect to find it overnight

    • lr

      So not true dude…that’s all I can tell you there are jobs. They are still loved and they have a future. Shut up telling someone his life’s over.l

  36. Sarah

    My husband is a registered sex offender. When I was 14 I met him he was in high school, I was in Jr high. He was 17. After he turned 18 we found out I was pregnant. My parents weren’t okay with us seeing each other and wanted him to be charged. He ended up with a misdemeanor. We weren’t allowed to speak even though I made it clear I wanted him in me and my childs life. After going into premature labor (probably due to stress) our daughter was born at 26 weeks. She was in the NICU and died after 2 months and 22 days. Due to my husband’s lawyer telling him to stay away from me anD our baby the first time he got to see our baby in person was in her casket… after I turned 17 and he was released from probation, my husband proposed and we got married on my 18th birthday. We now are happily married and have a 2 year old daughter and a boy on the way. My husband has to register twice a year and is restricted in so many ways because of what we did when we were younger. He won’t be able to take my our kids to school or go to their activities. He’s having a very hard time finding a decent job to support us. He wants me to stay home with the kids but that’s impossible with his record. The homes/apartments we can afford with his job wont allow us to live there because of his background. Lawyers tell us there us nothing we can do. It’s not fair. How can anyone live like this? The law needs to change

  37. Alasdair

    My story is so sad I nearly cry every time I speak of it. My mentally challenged son had an online friend who said she was being raped by her step-father and brother. One day she said she would commit suicide if my son did not help her. He did. It was the worst mistake of his life – and all of ours. It was all a lie! She was a 14 year old habitual runaway. The cops, the prosecutor, the judges – in 2 states, didn’t want to hear his side of the story. They threatened to put him away for 25 to life if he didn’t take a guilty plea. Of course, because he isn’t that strong and we all felt couldn’t handle jail, supported the lie that he did it; but even that was a lie. They have arrested him and jailed him for years – just because they can, claiming each time “some anonymous” caller calls in and says he’s been talking to under aged girls. They don’t even ask his side. They just send him to jail for another 2 years. This is his third time. The lies, the tricks, the way they just assume without proof.
    I have found that only 1 in every 5 have actually committed a real offense. This has GOT TO STOP!!!
    Please – someone tell me who in government do we contact? How do we unite the support groups? How do I find out what has already been done and what we can do to make a difference?
    Yes, I want to help my boy. Like most slow or retarded people, he is so sweet and kind. It’s what did him in. But NO ONE, save the real pedophiles, who get their jollies off of raping little children, deserve what they do to men over the slightest infraction.
    Someone – anyone – write to me or post what can be done! I can’t find any government official who will even see me, let alone read a letter.

  38. Tabitha r elliott

    Hi my husband is a SOR.
    TODAY was a very hard and bad day. You see we live in rosholt sd. We have been in the car all day with our son. Traveling to north Dakota and Sisseton sd and the day was awsome he updated n did all he needed to do to let them know bout his new job
    Then we went to the tribal office for SOR on native land cause he got a great job at the casion. Joann White was doing his papers then he was talking to get her to make things clear. My husband asked if he needed to recorded n get a lawyer to help him cause she was maken him feel unsafe. Joann White freaked out and said( We make are own rules and laws you can not record me get out I refused to do you SOR papers get out I’m gona violate and get you fired and lock your ass up)
    Well she refused to help him lied to the cops said he was belligerent and out of control. She broke her own laws n rules.
    I need any ones help for my husband was forced to quit his job cause she wouldn’t do his papers and threaten him.

    Please anyone got any numbers out there please please I need help.

  39. Anonymous

    My boyfriend is a sex offender and I am so confused about life. I have known my boyfriend since we were 10 met at a church youth group. Even though we lived in different city’s we would keep in touch. He is a very kind shy soft spoken gentleman and when we were both 18 we decided we would give a relationship a try everything was great until one night I came over and his mother was sitting on the coutch visibility upset telling him we need to tell her. To make a long story short he was being charged with sexual battery a felony that would drop to a misdemeanor but he would have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. Ok we can do this things happen and people make mistakes. I will NEVER claim his innocence or lack of simply because I was not there. So we took the deal and everything it has to offer, jail time house arrest work restrictions money home visits drug test you name it we did it and never once had
    Any problem we finished his 3 year probation sentence with out a hitch and that’s when things get messy. By this time we had had a baby boy and was getting help from his mom until we could save up for our own place but no such luck we could not fine a place in our budget that would accept him because he was a sex offender. A few people in Our small community was trying to get us kicked out. We knew 3/4 of the town on a first name basis but it only takes one upset school teacher. We were always open and honest when it came to his registration his boss knew, our land lady knew and my family wAs fully aware well in jan 2010 he was wrongfully terminated and we decided that we did not was to press charges against this company. I would use this time to follow my dream and go back to school. School came and went I finished pAssed and was a licensed cosmetologist but in our area there is no room for an inexperienced hair stylist so he went back on the hunt for a job and every time he got hired he would inform them that he was a registered sex
    Offender and that he would answer any question they may have had and that was a deal breaker every time they would have to let him go due to his record about 9 places. This put a stress on our family so I decided to go back to work and he could stay at home with our son who he is absolutely amazing with so that brings us to now we are living with my mother and father at there house all three of us in one bedroom we do not qualify for government assistance even though I don’t even make enough money for a one bedroom studio in our area all because he is a registered sex offender I love this man with all my heart and would do anything for him but I often find
    My self wanting to take our son and leave because me and my son could get the help that we need and the only reason this crosses my mind is because how much we are struggling. My son always has food in his belly clean cloths and his own bed to sleep in but he didn’t have a normal childhood because his bed is 6 inches from his parents and he has no room for toys to to even play like a five year old should he is slightly autistic and is shut away in a room 75% of the day I cry because I don’t know what to do or how to do it we asked the registration officers and their advice was to lie and I have tried to find private owners and it’s always the sex offender registry that throws them off. We do not do drugs we do not drink we are law abiding citizens that are
    Still being punished for A crime that happened Almost 10 years ago what should I do help us please this is ripping apart a happy family

    • lr

      If you live with offender and have your child be thankful. I won’t have the offender in my house I told Cps but even talking to him texting him anything I can’t get my kids back. How the fk is that fair.?This world is sick and evil. Your lucky your not labeled as unfit for caring about offender. So please don’t cry I would love my kids home.

  40. amanda faris

    Hi my name is Amanda and my boyfriend Chris is getting sentenced to prison in August. He didn’t do anything at all. He is being set up and bullied into changing his plea to guilty his lawyer is shady. They refuse to give him a lie dectror. Test but claim he is guilty the only thing. They really have is social media that could have been hacked and his own statement which they are trying to twist around. I really have NO one who really knows what I’m. Going through or that will talk to me or give me support. It kills me everyday. We just got back together and I’m. Trying my best to show up for him.I get judged but idc. I love him and I believe in him. One day when he makes it through this we will be together and have our family until then we have to hold on and be strong.

    • New here my brother was a rested in 2009 did 5yrs on misdemeanor indecent assault. My brother has never hurt anyone then one day his ex wife says he molested his daughter doctor does an examine no signs of trauma but we can’t rule an assault out. Are u kidding me how can u assault someone and not leave some type of brushing cuts tearing anything. What people don’t know or want to believe is his ex coached their daughter. Why? My brother was filing a lawsuit against her cousin for violating the hippo law. She found out the 3rd wendsday in Aug 2009 that Friday she has their daughter at the hospital. Cops didn’t want to hear that. The detective told my brother if he doesn’t confess they would put his daughter on blast in the newspaper and tv. Well we found out the hard way that that is illegal his lawyer hung him out to dry and now he has a lifetime Registration on megans law for a misdemeanor with no physical evidence and a lying ex Noone in our family has seen those kids in 6yrs where’s the justice in that. My brother can’t find a job his life is basically ruined, because of that evil woman. Anyone have a similar situation please let me know

      • Anonymous

        There can actually be an assault with no marks or trauma left behind I was sexually abused at a young child. Any time there is a child involved in a case like this a always feel it is nessary to follow up. Unfortunately not everyone who is innocent gets cut free and not everyone who is guilty gets put away. I do pray for peace in your hearts and that the truth comes to light.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, my son. The same thing has happened to him. No one in our family has seen his children either. Our lawyer said the best thing for him to do is plea. But I know he is not guilty either. Prayers for ur family.

      • Lumi

        I am in the same situation. My husband is in the registry because some 15 years ago, him and his ex wife divorced and she made up lies that he molested his step daughter to get him locked up and to get full custody of their kids. There was no evidence that he did it, they even asked the little girl if her stepdad touches him and she said no, but all they ever listened to was the ex wife’s lies. To cut the story short, my husband got arrested and gonna go to trial but they gave him a deal that he will get out after 3 years but he has to do the Alford plea and register as a tier 3 sex offender for the rest of his life, or sit in jail while waiting for trial without knowing what the outcome is gonna be, and on cases like this, the defendant always loses, so my husband took the Alford plea deal. Now that he’s in the registry, we always get harassed by people, always judging my husband, and i feel so bad for him. He cant get a job and he cant even attend to our son’s school activities. This is really so hard for me knowing what he is going through.

  41. ticked off

    I’m a recent addition to the registry, treatment that is nothing short of a human rights violation, and the highest level of probation offered simply because law enforcement can entrap people by replying to their adult personals profiles, with pictures of attractive adult women, and then try to convince you that they’re underage. I never sent a single lewd picture, nor ever went to meet anyone, yet because I was manipulated into sexual conversations, I faced life in prison – life in prison for a conversation. Let that sink in. I ended up taking a plea bargain to save myself from the maniacal punishment I was facing. Now I can’t wipe my ass without reporting it, I have to take lie detector tests to prove I’m complying with their every whim, and I’m in treatment with a manipulative, vindictive, mean-spirited therapist who threatens me if certain things in my life, which I have zero control over, don’t happen. There is nothing I want more in this world than for these fanatical, irrational laws and punishments to cease. I was lured in and entrapped for no reason at all. I wasn’t committing a crime, nor even conspiring to commit a crime, yet they manipulated me into doing so for no other reason than they can. There was no victim what so ever. I never hurt anyone, but I’m being hurt to the extreme for a set up they initiated. Please help!

    • Anonymous

      I am so sorry. The “treatment programs ” are ridiculous. They are nothing more than a forum for possible fuck ups. You’d be better off talking to a priest, however those hail Mary’s wouldn’t appease the state that issued your punishment. This has to change. This seriously has to change. There is a big difference between those that want to diddle with young kiddos and those that made dumb or ignorant mistakes.

  42. Praying for hope

    Hello, my husband is currently incarcerated for cont touching a minor under 14y…we reside in Texas. My 13 y/o is the supposed victim. Im having a difficult time believing that my husband would do something like. Everyone is saying that it doesnt matter if it happen or not bc he has priors. Hes priors concerned a 13 y/o that said that there was inappropriate conduct between the two. Surprisingly one of her family members was a police officer. Long story short with that incident; he ended up taking a plea bargain and now is a life time annual. The incident with my daughter; bc he has priors and she said it happen they are offering 5 to 99. I dont feel that my husband would risk his life knowing what he could face. My family and friends are against me and think im a horrible person for staying with him theu all of this…Please Help!!!

    • Katrina

      Wow, ok, I really had to take a deep breath and ask God to help me speak calmly as I responded to your post. I am the mother of two daughters that were molested by their older half brother as well as their father. Their father is the one that molested my son and taught him what to do with his sisters unfortunately. This is no excuse and in my eyes actually made it all the more wrong because he knew what it was to be the victim!

      A sex offender will rarely ever take full responsibility for their actions, it is always some wrong accusation or someone elses fault. It absolutely breaks my heart that you are taking your husbands side in this over your poor daughters traumatic event. Your daughter was so damaged by this molestation that she was willing to risk losing her father and go through all the retraumatizing involved in the court process just to get this to stop, and you seem to have no concept of the lifelong pain you are leaving her to deal with alone as well as the devastation you have caused her by choosing YOUR HUSBAND over your poor child!!!!!! She is your child and needs your support now more than ever. HE IS A GROWN MAN WHO HAS DONE THIS BEFORE AND YOU ARE SAYING YOU DON’T THINK HE WOULD DO THIS BECAUSE OF KNOWING WHAT ALL HE WOULD LOSE AND HOW SERIOUSLY HE WOULD BE PUNISHED?????? SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOUR CHILD IS A LIAR???? OR ARE YOU JUST THAT AFRAID OF BEING WITHOUT YOUR MAN???? I am sorry, but you need to listen to your friends and family; maybe more importantly you need to listen to your daughter!!!! Sex offenders are not ever cured, that urge never goes away, they just try hard to shove it down and hide it until they can’t resist anymore. It is an absolute compulsion!

      Please take a step back and maybe go see a counselor that specializes in treating victims and tell them your story and ask their opinion. Please, please, please! I am telling you right now that picking the abuser over your precious baby that has been victimized by this man will shatter her SOUL! IT WILL ALSO HAUNT HER FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE AND MAKE IT NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO HEAL AND EVER LIVE AS A NORMAL FUNCTIONING WOMAN/WIFE/MOTHER!!! PLEASE CHOOSE TO PROTECT HER AND BEG HER FORGIVENESS AS WELL AS PROMISE TO SUPPORT HER IN HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES HER TO HEAL…..

      I PRAY FOR BOTH YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER, AND HOPE THAT YOU GET COUNSELING FOR YOURSELF AS WELL. YOU BOTH HAVE A LONG AND EMOTIONALLY HARD PATH AHEAD OF YOU, BUT I BEG YOU TO TAKE THAT JOURNEY WITH HER!

      FROM ONE MOTHER TO ANOTHER
      KATRINA

  43. Destiny

    Hi my name is Destiny I live with my husband and acs is harass me and my husband for some that happen in his passed right now they tryin yo give up his rights to his kids and if anyone got answer that can help us plz cause this is not fair my husband is a good father to his kids I don’t understand why this is happening

    • lynn

      fccs has an open case on my ex daughter -in-law.. the case worker just told my son that they will never allow him to have custody of his children. he does have custody of one but it was never through children services.. this has me upset. my daughter-in-law tried to pull this in their divorce the judge told her she knew about my son before they married and she could not use that in the divorce. Now she has gotten in trouble and now they might take his kids, but he is not allowed to have them he gets them every other weekend and every other week in the summer. But if they take the kids from his ex he cant have them. why? this is unfair.

  44. Gabi

    I’m a sex offender I made a mistake, but now with the inhumane rules and the rejection I get from people, all I want to do is die.

    • anonymous

      Gabi,

      I am sorry you are shunned, I too, know it well, many people stopped talking to my son who got into unfortunate trouble and our family/some friends have shunned me too. My son has an autism spectrum and it is so sad how the world judges all offenders the same. However, it seems that murderers get second chances. When trying to place my son in a group home, that evil person told me they would consider housing a murderer but not my son knowing he has a disability and had a lot to do with his situation. My son did not rape or harm anyone and his disability has been proven to be involved. I feel your pain and for all those who can relate. God bless.

    • Ashen

      welcome to the rest of your life….if you get very lucky, you may meet a few people online or IRL who will accept you and not judge you but, thats about the best you can really hope for…i know how you feel in this….all i can say is…nope it wont get any better…even if you get off the reg, all that info will haunt you the rest of your life.

      your only real hope is to leave the country and find a new name….baring that…

      you can do what i do, i talk with the hand full of true friends i have(online mostly) and just avoid society as best you can….you will never live down the stigma or assumptions people make….

    • Anonymous

      You are better than that. Your life is rough, but it isn’t over. Please don’t hurt yourself. Those of us that love people on the registry are really trying. It isn’t fair. But we are trying. Stay strong. We will get there.

  45. girlfriend of a sex offender

    My boyfriend is on the registry. He wasn’t doing anything wrong and his PO decided that because we went camping, he broke a rule. My two minor sons were never around him alone, I was there the whole time. She knew he had purchased a camper and she knew that he had me as his girlfriend. He had also told his counselor about me.
    She (his PO) decided that she was going to take him to court on this and have him thrown back into prison. His time was up in Feb of this year. However, after court that day, he ended up in prison for seven months and on parole for another 2 years. Crazy! She has something out for him. She doesn’t think that he should be out walking around, let alone having a girlfriend with two older daughters and two minor sons and a granddaughter.
    He had a really good paying job as a truck driver and he is now fighting to keep his seniority with that job. His employer never asked any pre-employment questions on a record of any kind. His parole officer called them and told him about what was going on. That is not right at all. He went to work every day, even drove overtime for his boss. Saved up some money, was looking into buying a house and such, and then BAM, all of it gone because she wanted to show him that she had control.
    I do feel for you. We do plan on getting married and I have a pretty good idea of what life will be like. My family has accepted him and that is all that matters. My ex has talked with him and told me that he is a really decent guy.
    He was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was in a chat room that he shouldn’t have been in (read the reports and all information on everything). I believe it was total entrampment, especially when it is the Feds that were pretending to be someone they weren’t, lying about the age and all. Sometimes I can’t stand the government.
    We will get through this and I will be praying for all of you that are having some issues as well. WE do need to come together as one.
    I do agree that I would be more afraid of a murder being my neighbor than a sex offender. I actually do have a sex offender living by me, but I have talked with him and I have his story. I even know of a few others in my community that are on the registry. They have learned and have moved on with their lives. They get to have their kids, go to the schools for events, and all that. Yes, people know what they did, but our community is just a touch more forgiving I guess.
    Please let me know if there is anything that we can do on this. I would like to know more about what to do to help my boyfriend an others.

    • My boyfriend will have to register He gets out on Sept of this year he has never been in trouble with the law and he was always work to bring home money for his family and he’s Ex wife put him there just because she wanted to move to Idaho with he boyfriend that was a register sex offender fr Idaho and my boyfriend was work about 40 to 50 hours a week and now he will be getting out in out this September can he live with me and I know that he didn’t do this at all he. Has 5 kids of his own plus my two kids that just love him like a dad they call him dad too so what can I do please help me

  46. Samantha

    I am in Love with a sex offender he said she said and hes been on up and up 11 years and now that we moved to a different county its been nothing but jail I wanna die

  47. mom trying to hold on

    I would like more information. I live in Wisconsin and my son got second degree sexually assault of a child. Has to Registry for the rest of his life. It a she said/he said case. The mother of the girl wanted to put my son away for life.
    I didn’t want him to plead but didn’t have to money to go to trial and was told that it didn’t look good for him. Even though she lied about her age. He was 19 and she said, she was 17. There is a lot more to my story but I am fighting for him. He also has a two year old son that i have been fighting for him to keep.
    This is very stressful on the whole family. I will write whoever it take.

    • Ashen

      @mom trying to hold on: i hate to say this but, as somebody whos been threw this shit, though in WA….his lifes effectivly over.

      read the comments above….there’s one by a good woman who mentioned being tempted to leave her husband because it would make it so they could get assistance and a place other then her parents to live….

      this is life, if he finds somebody who wants to be with him, hes very likely to wake up one day and find they have left because it really is just way to hard…

      not trying to scare or upset you more….but your sons life is over in any meaningful way, even if he wins the case, any job that does background chicks will see this on his record and refuse to hire him, same with housing….

      if i could go back and tell myself what life was going to be like after my plea…neither her or I would be alive today…

      just prepare yourself, the rest of your life will be spent watching him suffer and struggle and, just when he thinks he may be getting ahead, there will be another sex offender story on the news and he will get slammed by somebody who went on homefacts.

      his only real hope is honestly, that you can save up, and after hes off probation, get him out of the country, someplace he can change his name and live a quite life….barring that….he’s screwed……

    • lori

      my fiance was violated bc parole came to the house one morning and our son was here, he cannot be around minors bc the alleged victim lied about her age and said she was older than she was. What happened to punishing these minors who lie? Teach them a lesson so this would stop. So many young girls look older today and what are people supposed to do I’d them. Parents need to do their job and teach their kids right from wrong. The adult gets punished but not the one who lied…it ridiculous and his life is ruined. I have contacted so many politicians and they tell me it’s a touchy subject. Yeah bc god forbid the parent of the minor who lied actually teach their children morals respect for themselves and others.

      • Anonymous

        if the girl looks younger than 20, don’t go for it! be a responsible adult that’s what it’s called…

      • tam

        My husband served time for the same thing girl at a party with a fake ID. Cost him 6 years. Her nothing no punishment for the ID. His life is ruined. He can’t find work. Its hard. What state are you in. What year did this happen?

    • Eden Scharmen

      I’m looking to find out who I write or protest agains some of these sex offender laws. I’m in Texas. My husband is a RSO and I’m having issues with living situation and no one wanting to rent to a low risk sex offender. Female lied about her age.

  48. 28 years I’m 50 now got probation for something I did not do their word against mine would not let me take a lie detector test my kids mother tested positive for crack about 5 years ago children court judge gave me custody of my kids I only have one serious crime why do I keep getting punish every time some one else commits a crime my crime 28 years ago I was 18 I’m 50 now why can’t u leave me alone I don’t brother nobody.

  49. Susana Ruiz

    I’m in San Antonio, TX. My son is on the registry for an incident that happened when he was in high school. I’d like to know if an SO does time in prison or completes his probation shouldn’t that person be monitored according to the risk level? Or even one more up consider their debt to society paid in full??? I understand that adults who abuse children we ought to be weary of but not every case is the same. I’m ready to start making NOISE on my end!!!! Sue

    • Mari

      Hi! My brother was convicted for online solicitation of a minor a year ago. The incident happen in 2006. We are having a very difficult time dealing with his sentence. He got two weeks in jail (which he has completed) and 10 years of probation. The probation terms are so severe. I was wondering if your son was able to find a job that is within the probation guidelines. My brother lives in Ft Worth. The rules are so severe we fear he can be send to jail for breaking or not following the many rules.

  50. April

    I would be interested in the support group. My husband is a low risk sex offender, who was late for his quarterly registry due to family issues …no warrant as soon as he remembered he went on his own and they arrested him. Originally he had no prison time just probation (10 years) and now he was given 10 years for the original offense and 5 years for failing to register…He didn’t fail he was late! He was doing everything else right and was only his 3rd time to register. I am alone now and have been diagnosed with two illnesses that are life long and wound up in the hospital and I hadn’t been in a hospital for 18 years and only to have my last son. I have lost my job, have no money, sick and need medical and I lose my medical as of April 21st when my FMLA ends.

    • Ashen

      only suggestion i have is, divorce him, and get on welfare/state medical, when he gets out, perhaps you will be in a place he can move into, if not, perhaps he can find a place or live the homeless life many on the registry have been forced into.

      many places they dont give a fuck why your late or anything, they just want you in prison, private prisons are profitable….

      sorry to say but, the moment he was charged with a sex crime, his life was over in any really meaningful way….much as i have learned is mine….

      also, i would suggest applying for state medical anyway, if you got long term health problems that make it impossible to get a job and support yourself, you should have no problem getting it, they are more forgiving with women who need help then men.

      it may even be possible that they will help you get SSI…its only $730/mo+150ish in food stamps but, its better then nothing….

      sorry this happened to you….but thats Murika for you…most people assume anybody even accused of a sex crime raped somebody or diddled kids….till it happens to somebody they known and care about….perhaps when it gets bad enough that some people with actual clout are effected we will see change…till then…accusation=guilt in murika.

    • In case you are still looking for any type of support group, you have to visit this website. They are TERRIFIC. I love them. They are very compassionate, caring,knowledgeable and just great people.

      • not guilty75

        I need help I was wrongfully convicted of misdemeanor indecent assault it was hear say. Didn’t matter I did 5yrs in a maximum security prison. My 10yrs plea deal is now a lifetime Registration thanks to sorta and an evil ex. Who used my daughter to save her cousins nursing career. He violated the hippo law by giving her my medical info when she found out 2 days later she has my daughter at our local hospital in scranton pa. Medical report and rape kit come up negative but it doesn’t stop them from making an example out of me when is a conviction worth more then a person’s innocence?

  51. Nichole Evans

    I am really confused about about the registration of sex offenders i dont know what to do we have three kids together now because of this horrible mistake i dont know what to do i dont understand it either today our three kids are in foster care now ….its been a living nightmare on our family and we really dont know what to do.

  52. I am very sympathetic to those that are caught up in all this as well as myself. While all on the sex registry of crimes are different in statues. its the suffering that we all have to endure for a lifetime. Yes we all should stand up for this registry cause. While some have victims and some not, there is nothing of anything good really come out of the registry. While governments want to please those few that cry out such as this Megan law and Adam Act and two or three others. It only makes the public more scared and makes government look good. That is really what they are playing with this registry that is getting way out of hand. This is a perverse nation and that’s in the bible. Even our Presidents and Governments are perverse. I hope the come to their sense’s and destroy this registry as is it really helping anyone? or is it really making other’s lives miserable?
    So write those letters to those senator’s and congressmen. I have emailed letters to senators’ all the time and you all should also.

    • Sarah

      Can you give me some emails so I can write to them too. Please! I had a boyfriend that I love with all my hesrt and soul but I had to let him go because I have two little ones and even thou hid PO never meet me or the kid or even seen him around the kids he told him that if he caught me at his house he would put him back in prison I am sorry but what gived them the right when they want them to live a normal life on the outside but how can they if they are going to change things all the time on them. The one PO was fine with us being together then a new PO comes in to his life and make us break up not far.

  53. Meilee

    I’m doing lots of research to try and figure out just what is it that I can do, unsure of what is it yet, But I will make a move soon. Trying to put together my funding . and just hopeing to raise enough to make a stand. Can’t sit by idle any longer after my youngest son , who is schizophrenic and has been dealing the registry for 15 years . and seeing me cry often, just told me , { MA,, I;M SORRY I;M CRAZY, }. THAT REALLY HURT. it’s real tough dealing with a serious mental illness and the registry at the same time. I feel like we are between a rock and a hard place. He is being ridicued by a store owner who saw him on the internet over the Christmas Holidays told him not to come into his store anymore.and ridicued in front of the few friends he has left. Schizophrenia really isolates you and so does the registry. we can only go UP from where we are.

    wish me luck…..

    • ☆SeTuP•4•fAiLuRe☆

      Good Luck. I’m full support if you need any help. My husband is a level 1 Sex Offender and I have 2 children from a previous marriage. My ex husband just served custody papers on me to try to get full sole and legal custody. )-:

      • Boston Man

        I am a sex offender bc of a acusation, I am allowed to have my son who is 7 months. I am 30 and married own a home for no morgage. I follow every law but i dont let it ruin my life. My wife and family hate the laws bc there is no wiggle room.

      • What is the most important. Things for a gf. Future wife of a sex offender to know? About while in prison and once home?

      • Lisa

        I can relate my husband is a registered SO and my ex served me for modification of child custody and support! I lost my 3 children they are devastated and do not understand. My husband was 17 and the girl 14 it was 26yrs ago and he’s harmless. I can only see my kids on Wednesday nights and every other weekend. My kids can’t be around their step dad and they are so upset even my 13yr old daughter said she wanted to kill herself living with her dad and the GAL did nothing they do not care about the children and how this affects their lives. This is all over a label that is not fair and unjust.
        I hope enough of us wrongfully accused can be justified.
        Thanks
        Lisa

      • Lindsey

        My husband’s situation was similar too. He was charged back in 94 and didn’t know the girl was underage. Her parents reported it and now will register for life. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage and can’t get custody of them even though they’ve been at my parents house since January because my ex doesn’t have a place for them, he rarely sees them, and gives no support. So frustrating.

      • Marie

        Lisa, I am in your situation and fear losing my children. What were the circumstances of your case if you don’t mind me asking? Did you have a lawyer. And what state was this in?

    • forthegoodofall

      How can I get in touch with any of you that want to do something about this? I have some great ideas.

      • Anonymous

        You can email me im trying to get information…will any lawyers help is there any way the background can come off

      • Christel Somers

        I want to know can an ex sexoffender move to another country and get married there?

      • Gabby

        No. It’s illegal for sex offenders to leave the country. You can go state to state but not to other countries. I’m married to a 7 years out of prison sex offender you can marry them here. I’ve been married for a year now to him.

      • RWVNRAL

        This bad information. It IS NOT illegal for sex offenders to leave the country. There are a growing number of nations where sex offenders are being denied entrance and are stopped at their borders or upon arriving at an airport. But there is NO federal law of any kind that makes it illegal for sex offenders to leave the United States. There is presently a bill in Congress that, if passed, would require additional “identifying information” to be included on the visas and passports of registered citizens. Please refrain from providing conclusive information to others unless you are absolutely certain that you are right. Bad advice is much worse than no advice. Admin.

  54. ariluz

    I just found out im pregnant, we are getting married in 1 week. Ive never been in this position where i would think of abortion, im so scared of his PO finding out i feel like a child with all this fears. My fiancé is doing great he goes to program he does every thing he is ment to do. Yet he cant be around kids how will we have a child wen he wont be able to be around it? I pray i pray and see what i can do and then i see my self having the baby all by my self. for lord knows how long. Why is it that i have to pick? Why cant i have both like other people. . Then i remember his problems become mine. I love him he is my soul mate..now i spend all day crying and unable to act my age and be the strong person ive been for so long.

  55. Is

    Yes, lawyers and even judges think the sexual offender public lists and rules are out of line, but politicians love to play it. Just be careful who you vote for! Eventually, but sadly many years from now, we will look back with shock at the designation, like the scarlet letter at the time. In the meantime many lives are being ruined. It s ridiculous and terribly sad

    • Anonymous

      Yes be careful who you vote for! Massachusetts just voted out one of the creators of this nightmare, Martha Coakley, but voted in her assistant, Maura Healy. as Attorney General, who is just as psycho and corrupt!

  56. faith

    simular things have happen to me but i keep strong… i have a long fighting drive and no matter what i refuse to give in shut up of give up… i have neighbors who know my situation, five years ago when i was 19 i dated my ex who was 15… the showed me sympathy and stated they felt it was wrong what was going on…. however, there was an incident between me and them, the father of the house hold who is a career offender in theft and aggrivated assualts and did ten years in the florida penal system felt like because i guess i am at the bottom of convicted felons that i owe him respect to constitute peace… one day he came outside his home and we had a simple disaggreement which turned into something totally different… he told all my friends and family members that his only goal for that year was to get me sent back to prison… in which is not an easy task especially if and offender is doing the right thing… when this did not work he let his pitbull lose in my yard… i gave him a verbal warning on sound recorded… he did not take that into consideration and thus he decided to attempt in doing it again… i than called the police… that was the official warning… he still thought that because im labeled that that still was not going to stop him and so he did it once more… i then produced evidence to the code inforcement officer that was substantial… i took pictures… they wrote him a $180 citation… when that failed he stepped it up a notch and now has manipulated his five year old little daughter to come outside yelling out child molester… no five year old with an dora the explorer vocabulary would know what that means that he told her… just this past month he has manipulated some of the other neighbors kids to do the same things that he has taught his daughter… and i have faught, i have documented everything i do i keep a witness around me at all times… and every chance i get i go dowm to investigations of call the police… these past three months have been something else… but im a fighter and so are all of ya’ll and that is what you all need to continue in doing is fighting for yourselfs and your love ones and do not… i repeat do not give up!!

    • Crystle~

      Thank you for sharing your story, I pray your life gets back on track on day, The unfairness of it all is draing at times. But your right giving up is Not an option. Take care and God Bless…

  57. posey shirley

    my kids are all grown now so maybe i can do something more without fear of retaliation my husband was put back on the rolls after a 2nd dui [1st one 9 years before this one] he was off the rolls after he spent his 10 years on them in 2004 then he got his dui and was put back on in 2009.now everyone thinks he offended again.they put him in drug court in2009 spent there till 2012 when he could no longer pay the fines and put him in jail[still there by the way] parole hearing no wright ups good prisoner nope no parole he is suppose to get out in sept.but who knows. whenever this happend in oklahoma i did call congress men and govenment but no one could help said it was wrong but nothing they could do.it was the law now.dont think i got any response except it was wrong. good luck on your adventure, because you will need it.

  58. pjones101

    I fear we are one group that no one cares about or has any sympathy for. Our local station did do a story on a man who is trying to get our laws changed. He interviewed the DA and even the DA said things should change. The lawyers say they should change. There should be classifications and no public humiliation, but I am sure this would be a law that is for the public’s information on where these predators live. They do not care about the ramifications of this. As you say, murderers do not have to walk around with a scarlet letter on their chest so everyone knows they are a murderer. I think we would be more scared of a murderer than a sex offender. Oh yeah, they did do a survey and that is how it came out. We need some advocates, but who? We do have a local lawyer who is trying to get the minors off the registry for life. It had been 10 years but now they have changed it to life. What chance will these kids have? God is the only one that can help us. Hope to God you are not in my state. If so, you are screwed.

    • Matthew

      Well, I live in Pa. and its just the same here since this new law came out thanks to JOHN Walsh before I didnt have any problems now my mail box has been trashed a few times. Think if they beat up the postal service I’ll leave LOL.
      And we can not give up hope, its true, hardly anyone wants to help ANYONE that has been convicted or even accused of a sex crime.
      As they befall the same stigma a RSO faces, and the only attorney you can find that will do it needs the money because of their fear of lost wages due to helping a SO.
      Sad to say this is the reality of it all.

      • Anonymous

        Do you no pa laws on step parents that r so? I thought he just couldn’t be alone w kids…. Now there threatening to throw me in jail even tho I never leave my kids w him…

  59. posey shirley

    thank you for posting this something i should have done but was to scared because our family had been told we were going to be harmed because of my husbands so.our house was going to catch on fire if we didnt leave and it did no one could prove it wasnt an accident, so thats what they said it was

    • Hurting family

      Please join daily strength support group. Families of sex offenders I’m in there too as hurting family .i talk a lot as well as others .theres someone whose going to be doing radio show he’s standing up. And. Trying to fight for our rights please join in group. Wis rsol runs the group .my computer won’t let me get in this site some reason when I type in this rsol it won’t navigate to it and whole search box is filled with 100s letters ,don’t know why it’s doing that .anyways. I’m on my iPod now ,only way to get its here .

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