I really need some help, advice or something. My husband was accused of touching my 14-year-old sister in December, 2014. She was living with us and very rebellious. When he tried to lay the law down as a father figure she wanted him out of the picture. I went with my gut feeling that he didn’t do this. He was charged with child molestation. With the way society is today he didn’t want to risk prison for 25 years and took a plea deal of 10 years probation in September, 2015. Charges he pled to were two counts of sexual battery against a minor under 16. I become pregnant in May, 2015 and should give birth to our baby in two weeks. We have not been able to get in to see the judge to get permission for him to be around our daughter yet. I need to know if they can actually keep him from his biological child and force us apart? Please someone help me/us. I don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out to the point I have sent myself into early labor which doctors were able to stop. I feel like I have no one to talk to because everyone has labeled him a child molester. PLEASE! If anyone can give me advice or guidance I would appreciate it.
Personal narratives by people who have been harmed by oppressive sex offender registries.
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I am almost 85 years of age, scared worried and frightened that I will die without my son. I am in therapy but it cannot give me my son back. I cry night after night In 1993 he lost his job and home to foreclosure. .Through boredom, inquisitiveness or curiosity he went on his computer looking at pornography including child porn in the privacy of his home. He did not distribute, nor has he looked at it in years as proven by investigators and technology experts. He stupidly put it on his hard drive when he went back to work. That was 23 years ago! . He was arrested by local police and turned over to the federal government. He voluntarily told them to look at his hard drive. His Atty and district Atty co-erced my son in the presence of his lovely wife that if he drops his right to appeal they would release the bonds on his property and remove the restrictions from being with his grandchildren who adore him. That NEVER happened. I have copies of attys email that confirms the agreement. Meanwhile I was told by legal counselors that my son would probably be placed on probation or sent to a medical facility prison in southern California at Terminal Island to be close to me . Because of my declining health and inability to walk far or stand-(I have heart disease, a-fib, strokes, high blood pressure, high cholesteril, macular generation, chronic edema etc;) Instead, my government sent my son thousands of miles away making it difficult for me to ever see my son, my only child. Because of my sons age (60) his poor health – 3 heart attacks, by-pass heart surgery, cancer, diabetes, neurologic pain to his feet due to the diabetes, severe arthritis, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and deep depression the judge said our federal prison system has the best medical care in the country. He then demanded my son to register as a SEX OFFENDER (which he is not). Labeled as a FELON, ignored consideration letter from a psychiaterist who stated at my son was no threat to society. Because of my age, my failing health and my lonliness I need of my sons help. How could my Government sentence him to 7-1/2 years in a 84 year old prison that wreaks of MOLD, ASBESTOSIS that causes mesotheliaoma, chipped LEAD BASED PAINT, infestations of hundreds of oriental beetles that blasted through the ceilings by the when the plastered ceilings crashed to the floors from the weight of the rain water collected between the roof and crawl space, rats frozen with the chickens, pancakes for dinner, no meat, lead pipes, asbestos covered pipes – my son was a former professional pest control inspector and is concerned for the heal safety of the inmates as well as the staff who work there under hazardous life threatening conditions. The judge was a former Marine, a family lawyer yet he practices of n federal court. To make my sons sentence extended the judge accused him of uploading and downloading! That means he distributed such itbwas proven he did not! Now we cannot appeal, he is thousands of miles away from me, I am lonely and wonder how or who can plan a funeral for me. What can I do? We are good citizens, a beautiful loving family, who have worked hard all our lives, never filed for any handouts ie; unemployment, welfare, free housing, medical , food stamps etc. No country can take away our pride and dignity for votes. I am near the end of my journey of life. Can someone PLEASE give me advice. My son has been gone 10 months. I cannot go on like this. Help me.
God Bless you, Trust the Lord
and Do not miss an annual registration, I spent 16 months in a CA prison for failure to register 25 years after the original conviction wher I plead in similar circumstances and not a day in jail on on “controlling case” . Now that I am 44 I can look back and see I should have hung in there but I was also facing a couple decades in prison. Please follow Sams advice, he is right you may have a rough road for awhile, make a deal to always do your best to be kind and compassionate to one another. I have children I love dearly and its not easy to have the shadow hanging over them because of my mistake long before they were born.
I think your best best is get this cleared through the court system. If you can’t afford an attorney, call your public defender’s office or legal aid to see if they will represent you and your husband. Without a court document defining what (if any restrictions) will be applied to your situation you don’t have any proof that the situation was addressed and defined. Get legal council and push for a court’s decision pertaining to him being around his child. Your husband could be found to be in violation of something you weren’t even aware was lurking in the legal shadows.
Be clear in your head that you understand that if your husband can live with you and your child that he doesn’t violate any restrictions. From what I understand there are many places sex offenders can not go near-understand those restrictions in relation to your life and as a parent. Usually sex offenders are barred from anywhere children are present or congregate – so probably taking him/her to the park is out, taking her/him to school or attending school functions are out, even trick or treating-but what about taking him/her to the pediatrician, the hospital? A family gathering with other children present? You may not live in Virginia but this link http://restoringintegritytovirginiaregistry.blogspot.com/p/whetherits-traveling-for-school-work.html is pretty insightful what you might be up against in the state you live in. Learn your state, county and city rules. If you travel, you’ll need to understand all the rules for your state, any state you are traveling to or through too.
Second, call and find some mental health care for yourself – and if your husband is willing – for him too. The road you are on now – you as the spouse of a sex offender – he as a sex offender – will test you, him, and your marriage to the breaking point and tear at the fabric of your lives in ways you can’t even begin to imagine or fathom right now – especially if he is on the registry. The registry doesn’t only restrict his life -it restricts you and your child’s too. Now might be a really good time to sit down and figure all this out and work out a plan. You’ll be taking your child to the zoo, swimming, school and school activities, the doctor’s, and picking her/him up from preschool or school when she/he is sick. Are you willing to tell your child-no playmates/friends over the house? How? Will you tell those playmate/friends parents about your husband? What are the repercussions if you do – especially to your child? Will he/she be ostracized/bullied at school – teased unmercifully? How will your husband help and what will be his part in child rearing? Can he be left with him/her unattended -some parents can’t leave a child alone with a sex offender. How will he feel being left out of so much of his/her life? How will you feel?
Start getting legal and mental help now before your child arrives and please-work out a parenting plan.