Me and my Mistakes

I’ve always felt hopeless, but this is insane. My problems began when I started using drugs at the age of 14 or 15. I smoked a lot of weed, and when I got to 16, I started using a lot of other drugs. Promethazine and Codeine, Xanax, Lorazepam, Acid,  Alcohol, Hyrdrocodone, Oxycodone, Dextramethamorphan, Adderal, Tobacco, Shrooms, I even went to school on a lot of these. I used these a lot more than the average teenager growing up in a middle class family. I’m also an extrovert with social anxiety, and never had many friends. When I say I never had many friends, I’m talking loneliness that makes you insane. I’m 17, and they were 13. I have two years probation, and a review for getting put on the registry. I’m honestly terrified. Suicide doesn’t sound so bad compared to being put on the registry. Yea, I know what I did was wrong. At the time, I didn’t care, but now, im just waiting for the day where I commit suicide, or live happily, atoning for my unmoral acts. Sex offenders are demonized. I don’t feel like a demon. I feel like a stupid kid still. I’m scared, I could probably write that more times than anyone would like, and I’m just a person pending for the registry…

5 Comments

  1. antiestablishmentarianism

    I felt the same way when I first went under investigation. In reality, being on the registry is tough to be sure, but it’s not a death sentence. I struggled a lot when I got out of jail, but I found a college that accepted me, a beautiful woman who will someday soon be my wife, and I run my own business. I lost some old friends that I now realize were toxic to me anyways and have gained new friends that know about my history and are supportive in helping me live my life. Keep your head up. You’re only 17. Finish high school however you can, get into college (financial aid is still available for us) and make a good life for yourself. It’s a little bit harder, but if we keep advocating for reform and keep standing up and saying we have a voice, things will eventually change. The tides are already starting to turn. Just look up news on the registry and read the comments. There’s actually more people on our side than you may realize. Once it becomes politically acceptable to be on our side is when things will start changing.

  2. Max Cohen

    You’re not a bad person. Get yourself a good lawyer and fight registration if you can. Even if you have to register life is still beautiful. Don’t give up. Your suffering will make you stronger.

  3. Hey come on get off your pity pot. I am 61 yrs. old and going thru the same thing. If your going to let police put you in the grave than the I don’t know where your coming from. Things are not all that bad. This is just a sin like any other sin. Get in church and build yourself up with the help of God. Sure man will deceive you but God never will.
    Remember God loves you and you just need to repent and straighten your act up. It took this offense to help me see. I was down to about all this but that is the devil talking and who wants to listen to the devil. Things will get better.

  4. Shay

    Please don’t do it. I’ve spent many days talking my boyfriend out of suicide. He has to register for life as well after doing 3 years in prison and 2 on parole. He was 17 as well, he’s 26 now. You have options. It will be a struggle. But you will find a job, a place to live, and even love. All these are possible. Don’t lock yourself away from the world. Be bold. Be brave. Someone out there understands. Someone will accept you. Someone will look beyond your status. I can’t make you a promise, but there is hope. Have faith. Keep your chin up. Life IS worth living.

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